IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Adults today do not do enough exercise. Some people believe that showing major sports events like the Olympics or the Football World Cup on television encourages people to exercise. Others argue that there are better ways to encourage adults to move more. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#adults #exercise #people #sports #events #olympics #football #world #cup #television #move
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to the cut-throat competition in the market and living in the fast-pace
life
Use synonyms
 many adults do not have much time for
exercise
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, while some think that by showing them sports like the Olympics or the Football World Cup on television boost their motivation for
exercise
Use synonyms
, I agree with those who believe that there are different ways by which they can be encouraged to do
exercise
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, it could be argued that by watching major sports events on television would encourage most adults to start exercising and be fit. It is believed that the majority of people often follow their favourite athletes by watching them on the television as they are quite fit enough, focused and goal-oriented in their
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Spain, most adults are crazy for their favourite footballers
such
Linking Words
 as Cristiano Ronaldo, Messi and others to whom they idolize and try to imitate them by being fit and doing
exercise
Use synonyms
 regularly.
Thus
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 an event mostly encourages to start
Use synonyms
exercise
Suggestion
exercising
 on a daily basis. On the other hands, I would argue that there are various methods to encourage them to start
Use synonyms
exercise
Suggestion
exercising
 on a daily basis. I believe that one of the methods is to have a healthy diet in their routine so that always they remain healthy.
In other words
Linking Words
, they should add nutritional values foods, green vegetables, and fruits in their daily diet to have a healthy
life
Use synonyms
. Take Japan, as an example, where most Japanese always add boiled green vegetables in their lunch in order to be fit, and,
as a result
Linking Words
, they live a longer
life
Use synonyms
 in the world. In my opinion, the best method to remain fit is to walk on a daily basis at least for thirty minutes in the morning, resulting in a motivated, energetic and stress-free
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 watching favourite sportsmen on Cricket World Cup, Football World Cup or Olympics and idolize them in order to remain healthy in the
life
Use synonyms
, daily walking for half an hour not only does it boost our energy but
also
Linking Words
 keep us fit and stress-free.
Therefore
Linking Words
, on balance, I believe that other methods are convenient to adopt in
life
Use synonyms
 to have a healthy
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jdsmss on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: