IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Small businesses should avoid recruiting young woman who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#businesses #woman #maternity
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Whether or not businesses should hire unmarried
woman
 has been receiving endless public view.
Although
 many think that companies can avoid maternity leave payment if they do not hire young females,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 partly agree with
such
 statement.
However
, there are still many benefits of recruiting young
woman
. There is a reason why recruiting young
woman
 can
adversly
in an adverse manner
adversely
 affect some businesses.
First
, some companies, especially those which low budgets, may run out of business if spending too much on maternity leave.
This
 means, with a high amount of payment having to pay on
woman
 leaving their job because of giving birth, companies may lose lots of profit and that they do not have much money left to invest on other beneficial sectors.
For example
, Australian companies said that they had to spend about six to nine months salary for maternity leave and claimed that it is hard to maintain their budget.
On the other hand
, there are several factors why young females can bring benefits to the companies.
First
, it cannot be denied that
woman
 who
do not have
Suggestion
does not have
 their own family have more time to spend on their work.
This
 means they can work for longer hours and can cope with a heavy workload because they are not responsible for taking care after their children.
Secondly
, being young, unmarried
woman
are
Suggestion
is
 more productive and that they can come up with new or unique ideas.
For instance
, Harvard business professor argued that they are likely to hire young
woman
 because they can work efficiently and that more than half of their
woman
Suggestion
women
 employees are unmarried. To conclude,
although
 recruiting young
woman
 can create some potential downsides, I believe that there are some benefits that can be taken into consideration.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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