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Band 5.5

Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
Childhood is supposed to the most joyful
time
 of their entire life and some machines like auto cleaning robots have freed children from housework.
However
, I think children don’t enjoy enough freedom.
Firstly
, due to the increasing competition, children
spend
Suggestion
spends
 more
time
 on study in order to achieve better academic performance and to enter elite universities in the future. Many students have to face the endless homework, and after school, their parents are always prepared to send them to get private tutoring.
That is
 why many people argue that students are busier than adults. Since most of their
time
 is occupied with the schoolwork, children don’t have enough spare
time
 to do what they want. What is even worse is that a large proportion of them are suffering sleep deprivation because they have to stay up late to finish their homework. Except that, many students cannot make many choices on their own. A great number of parents tend to choose what they believe are good for their children, and ignore what they really want.
This
 issue is especially common in some East Asian countries like China and Korea. In these countries, some parents won’t even allow their children to decide their majors when they apply for the
unversities
the body of faculty and students at a university
universities
, because they think that it will be difficult for their children to find jobs after graduation if they major in
subejcts
the subject matter of a conversation or discussion
subjects
 like arts and literature. In conclusion,
although
 children
seems
Suggestion
seem
 to be freer and can have more choices than before due to the arrival of some cutting-edge technologies
,
Accept space
,
 many of them still cannot make decision on their lives and future.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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