IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem?

#doctors #people #today’s #world #exercise
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While almost everybody
agree
Suggestion
agrees
 that enhancing strength is extremely vital to our health, some people do not have enough physical
Use synonyms
work-out
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
workout
workouts
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons and the results of
this
Linking Words
 trend On the one hand, there are a great variety of causes. One of the most significant reasons is the over-pressure from the hustle and bustle lifestyle. While people are living in
world
Suggestion
a world
the world
 which is more competitive than before, they tend to devote their time budget to working or studying rather than playing outdoor activities to strengthen their body’s performance. Workers have to do 9-5
work
Use synonyms
 and students spend more time on studying to get good qualifications and degrees. The
second
Linking Words
 cause is the effects of modern technology. In
this
Linking Words
 era of technological boom, children prefer to stay at home to play video games or watch trendy videos which is very detrimental to not only their physical but
also
Linking Words
 emotional improvements.
Moreover
Linking Words
, household tasks which are required muscles could be handled by robot and AI, people just need
sit
Suggestion
to sit
 on a couch and give out demands. One the other hand, there are still many possible solutions remained.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people need to raise their own awareness in order to improve their health. Workers or students could take advantage of break time by climbing the stairs or walking around.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of driving to
work
Use synonyms
, a person could substitute it by walking or cycling to
work
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
government
Suggestion
the government
 should take responsibility too. They could hold the campaign about the significant benefits of having good health which would be extremely beneficial to
work
Use synonyms
 performance and thorough happiness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, government should spend more money on public facilities to encourage people have more outdoor activities and sports. In conclusion, while there are a great number of causes leading to the fact that people have less physical exercise than they used to, I still believe aforementioned solutions could improve
this
Linking Words
 situation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • digital entertainment
  • urbanization
  • green spaces
  • pedestrian areas
  • time constraints
  • lack of awareness
  • active transportation
  • infrastructure
  • workplace wellness programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • incentivizing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: