IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a trending argument that whether or not national
history
Use synonyms
 is far significant in relation to
world
Use synonyms
history
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, none of these should be dominant
by
Suggestion
with
 the other and both subjects should be well enhanced in
youngster’s curriculum
Suggestion
the youngster’s curriculum
. Studying the
history
Use synonyms
 of one’s own country is surely an essential aspect of their educational education. Whilst seems tedious and often theoretical-based, having throughout insight into what happened in the past plays an indispensable role in forming a child’s patriotism.
For example
Linking Words
, knowing how heroic one’s ancestors fought against intruders will build students’ admiration towards them as well as their country and culture. Children will treasure their own origin and will take pride in protecting it.
Thus
Linking Words
, nationalism is not just a privilege; it is each’s responsibility to perceive and preserve their hometown’s tradition and identity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, studying no more than local
history
Use synonyms
 and ignoring other
history
Use synonyms
 events around the
world
Use synonyms
 is inadequate for learners as all of them are impacted by each others and each case teaches students different aspects of the
world
Use synonyms
. Take Vietnam’s August Revolution (Cách Mạng Tháng 8 in Vietnamese)
for example
Linking Words
, only with the declaration of ending the war that Vietnam has the chance to turn the table and in the war. Other events
such
Linking Words
 as The Great Depression or Women Suffrage in the US are underlying economic and political lessons respectively. And so, international
history
Use synonyms
 should not be neglected from schools’ educational program. In conclusion, while domestic
history
Use synonyms
 gives
children identity
Accept comma addition
children, identity
 pride,
world
Use synonyms
history
Use synonyms
 completes it and offer
further
Linking Words
 knowledge in other topics.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe the significance of them both cannot be brought into comparison to see which one is more necessary because they have distinctively equal meanings to children.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
What to do next:
Look at other essays: