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Writing Samples
Band 7

Music should not be taught in schools. Instead other subjects such as computer and science should be taught. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#music #schools #subjects #computer #science
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Some people claim that
instead
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 of teaching
music
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classes
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 in
schools
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, more important
subjects
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 like computer programming and mathematics should be prioritized. It is my contention that recreational
subjects
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 like
music
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 are equally important and, thereby, should be included in school curriculums so as to replenish students' energy. First and foremost, in the contemporary world, in order to increase the efficiency and quality of education,
schools
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 have commenced adding
music
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classes
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 to their curriculum. Research on the benefits of
music
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 education elucidates that children in
schools
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 with
music
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 programs tend to be more energetic and learn faster compared to those in
schools
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 that focus solely on technical
subjects
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.
For example
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, intermittent
music
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classes
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 in
schools
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 are a proven method to distract children by alleviating the burden piled onto them by other
subjects
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 which necessitate continuous critical thinking.
Additionally
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,
music
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 education increases cognitive development and learning in other academic areas.
Moreover
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, the arrangement of
music
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classes
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 in
schools
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 is a pragmatic way to emerge young talents with the potential to be the next prevalent celebrity, a pop artist or an artist. Children who are granted intrinsic musical gifts are likely to give an expeditious reaction during the exposure to the
music
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 at
schools
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 when they are still younger.
However
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,
this
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 does not mean that the importance of computer science and scientific disciplines can be understated, especially in
this
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 rapidly advancing world. In conclusion, undoubtedly, the crucial knowledge gained through computer and scientific
subjects
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 is paramount,
nevertheless
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 prioritizing these
subjects
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 should not result in the exclusion of
music
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 art.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on your examples with more specific details to strengthen your argument. For instance, you could cite specific studies or statistics that have demonstrated the benefits of music education.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all main points are clearly linked with appropriate transitions to enhance the smooth flow of ideas throughout the essay. This will improve the overall logical structure.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
complete response
You have successfully addressed both sides of the argument, recognizing the importance of both recreational and technical subjects.
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