An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What are the causes of this trend? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Your response will be evaluated in terms of Task fulfillment, Organization, Vocabulary, and Grammar.

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At the present time, a number of people are concerned about brain drain. It is said that more and more people, especially doctors and teachers, are finding better career opportunities by moving from poor countries to more developed ones.
This
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essay will discuss some main causes and solutions to
this
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issue. It is obvious that there are several causes which lead to human capital flights. The first root cause of
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phenomenon is that the country, where they live has an unstable society and economic crisis. To be more specific, an unstable nation is unable to establish a strong welfare system for its citizens, which raises both the high unemployment rate and the crime rate.
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, another important factor contributing to
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phenomenon comes from companies
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organizations.
For example
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, companies with toxic working conditions,
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as a lack of facilities, not being transparent, unfriendly co-workers, and so on, are unable to attract dedicated professionals.
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, people’s choices about where to work are influenced by low incomes and a lack of job opportunities. There are some actions that should be taken in order to deal with
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problem.
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, the government should enact laws and policies to stabilize society and retain employment. Another possible method is that businesses should create a transparent and supportive working environment
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offer a suitable salary, which attracts more professionals to work in their country.
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but not least,
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issue could be solved if individuals carefully consider working in their homeland before migrating to another country.
To sum up
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, there are some obvious causes related to human capital flights. We should take effective steps to improve these modern-day issues.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and relevant response to the prompt, addressing both causes and solutions. However, consider elaborating more on the solutions to strengthen your task achievement.
coherence
The organization of your essay is generally logical, but ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly. Linking phrases could help improve the flow between ideas.
vocabulary
While your vocabulary is appropriate and varied, try to use more precise terms and expressions to enhance clarity and coherence in your arguments.
grammar
Your grammar is mostly accurate, but watch out for minor errors in sentence structure that can slightly impede clarity. Focus on proofreading your work for small inaccuracies.
introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly outlining the topic and the focus of the essay.
content
You provide a good range of causes for brain drain, showing a clear understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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