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Band 4.5

Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the filed, as long as they are playing well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #sportsmen #sportswomen #misbehave
With advancement of modern society, every aspect of judgements on misbehaviour has altered, and while some proponents believe that famous sports players can misbehave on or off the
field
, as long as they play well, I believe that
this
 phenomenon will bring some negative repercussions in the future. It is undeniable that famous sportswomen and sportsmen’s misbehaviour on or off
field
Suggestion
the field
 could provide a variety of benefits. Most of all, some teams which have the star players are unlikely to face financial loss since the teams will have more big fans of them. According to recent research, 7 out of 10 sports teams in South Korea tend to insist that the star players, regardless of their misbehaviours on or off the
field
, can lead the teams to win more with tickets power, which contributes to developments of the teams.
Next
,
this
 will encourage other teams in sports. Even they do not have star players, the teams may have more chances to be exposed to random audiences, earning more money.
However
, it is universally accepted that professional sports players’ misbehaviour on or off
field
 will create a diversity of demerits.
First
 of all, some players are going to have less opportunities as they have exposed
bad
Suggestion
worse
 behaviours situations on or off
field
, affecting the public in negative ways
such
 as drugs or domestic violence.
Secondly
, average health status among young
generations especially
Accept comma addition
generations, especially
teenagers can
Accept comma addition
teenagers, can
 decrease since they are immature. The majority of high school students in China
,
Accept space
,
for instance
, have a tendency to see sports game online and offline to release their stress. It means that they have been
experienced
Suggestion
experiencing
 misbehaviours by the players.
This
 one of the main causes in regard to trivial
crimes according
Accept comma addition
crimes, according
 to some studies associated with social science.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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