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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Young people are often influenced by their peers. Do the advantages of peer pressure outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #peers #peer #pressure
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With the growing influence of social media among young
people
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,
peer
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pressure
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 is now a major impact on their choices and behaviour.
While
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this
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 can bring certain advantages, I believe that it leads to more drawbacks,
such
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 as harm to mental well-being and personal development. There are several merits of
peer
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pressure
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, one of which is motivating young
people
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 to develop positive
habits
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. Being surrounded by peers who set a good example can encourage
youngersters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 to adopt healthy
behaviours
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, work harder academically, or stay away from risky ones.
For instance
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, a student who joins a study group may feel motivated to study more regularly because they see their friends doing the same.
This
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 positive influence can help improve their academic performance as well.
However
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, despite
peer
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pressure
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 being effective in motivating good
habits
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, it has some demerits, especially when it leads to negative
behaviours
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. The most potent issue is that constant
pressure
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 to fit in can result in anxiety, stress, and a loss of self-confidence. Young
people
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 may adopt harmful
habits
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 just to be accepted by their peers, even if these
behaviours
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 go against how they really
were
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are
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.
For example
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, a teenager might feel pressured to smoke or engage in other harmful
behaviours
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 like drinking or skipping school if their friends encourage it.
This
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 can cause long-term damage to their health and self-esteem. In conclusion,
while
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peer
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pressure
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 can motivate young
people
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 to adopt positive
habits
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,
such
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 as studying harder or exercising, its downsides, like encouraging harmful
behaviours
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 and affecting mental health, are more significant.
Thus
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, the drawbacks of
peer
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pressure
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 often outweigh the benefits.
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task achievement
Ensure that all points are well-explained and examples are consistently relevant to the topic.
task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by acknowledging instances where peer pressure might have a stronger positive impact.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the arguments flow logically from one to another, with clear transitions between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a concise overview of the topic and the writer’s stance.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, especially about study groups and risky behaviors, effectively illustrates the points made.
task achievement
The main points are clearly presented and generally supported with explanations and examples.
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