IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Write about the following topic. Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. Discuss both these views and give your ouwn opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #fashion #items #cost #money #part #life #ouwn
Many
people
 today are interested in
fashion
 because it
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 an important part of our lives even though it costs a
lot
 of
money
 but, in
reality
Add a comma
reality,
show examples
 many
people
 are busy
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
thinking about it.
First,
fashion
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 a
lot
 of
money
, but
this
 depends on whether the
person
 is rich or poor because the rich
person
 can buy everything.
Secondly
, a
lot
 of
people
 in our world love new
fashion
 and are willing to pay a
lot
 of
money
 for them because it is addictive for them,
for example
: I had a friend who
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
didn't have much
money
 but he liked
fashion
 so he took
money
 from his friends to buy his new stuff.
Third,
in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 the poor
person
 pays his
money
 for the requirements of his daily life,
such
 as food, because
anyway
Add a comma
anyway,
show examples
 he cannot pay the cost of
fashion
 because he
didn’t
Wrong verb form
doesn’t
show examples
 have enough
money
.
However
,
fashion
 is very expensive nowadays because manufacturers pay a
lot
 of millions to
making
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 them.
On the other hand
, it is acceptable because it is an important part of our life But
this
also
 depends on the type of
person
,
For example
, actors and celebrities pay a
lot
 of
money
 for
fashion
 because they care about how
people
 see them and want to keep the number 1.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the manager who has a business meeting must wear
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
modern clothes because the other
person
 will see him as an elegant
person
 and
then
 they will do a big work between them. In my opinion,
fashion
 costs a
lot
 of
money
, but it is an important part of our lives because at
this
 time a
person
 has to keep pace with the development of
fashion
 because we are in the twentieth century because it is the age of
fashion
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: