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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in seprate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #boys #girls #seprate #schools #benefit
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These days, an important factor for
children
 is school and increasing the level of learning, so
people
 have 2 various views.
One
 group think
that is
 better for
children
 to
study
 in institutes that are the same gender;
in contrast
, another group believe students have to
study
 in
schools
 which have both boys and girls. I subscribe
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 second idea because
children
 in mixed
schools
 can improve better than in other
schools
. On the
one
 hand,
children
 who
study
 in separate
schools
 can spend a lot of time with pupils who are of the same sex.
In addition
,
this
 kind of students can find friends extremely soon.
Also
, in Islamic countries when
people
 have different
schools
 they can find a place where girls are Comfortable.
Nevertheless
, the demerit of
this
 place is when students go to the society they cannot relate with
people
 who have the opposite sex;
thereafter
, these
people
 have a big problem at the beginning of their lives when they have a fiancé.
On the other hand
, institutes with both females and males have some merits and drawbacks, but in my opinion, the benefits can overshadow the disadvantages.
For instance
,
firstly
, pupils live in a real society with a range of inhabitants;
as a result
, when they have an opportunity to
study
 in merged
schools
 they have to learn how can they defend themselves because they can catch on to real experience.
Secondly
, when not only women but
also
 men are in
one
 place their learning is climbing
due to
 the fact
one
 section of the brain in
one
 group is stronger than another section;
therefore
, they can help each other to learn and get better.
To conclude
, diverse
schools
 have some benefits for females;
although
, we live in a population and we should know how ought to behave in different situations;
hence
, combined
schools
 can help us to solve
this
 matter.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
You have presented both views on the topic effectively and provided your own opinion. However, adding more specific and developed examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should ideally have one clear main idea, and some of your paragraphs could be more focused. Make sure each paragraph supports its main idea fully before transitioning to another.
coherence cohesion
Work on smooth transitions between sentences and ideas to improve the flow of your essay. This can help in better connecting your points and making the essay easier to follow.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize your stance on the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have made a good effort to present logical reasoning behind your views, making the essay more persuasive.
relevant specific examples
It’s great that you addressed the context of Islamic countries where separate schools might offer specific benefits. This shows cultural awareness and adds depth to your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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