IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Banks should receive billions of dollars in assistance from their governments during a financial crisis that was in large part their fault. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons

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Some people say that
governments
Use synonyms
 should support
banks
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 when they have trouble,
while
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 others believe that they are not in charge of that. In
this
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 report, I will present both sides of
this
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 conflict, and
then
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 allow me to share my point of view.
Banks
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 are helpful, economical, and necessary;
as a consequence
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,
governments
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 should help them whenever they have an issue.
Firstly
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, they are responsible for helping them because they are requisite. For
further
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 explanation, people need
banks
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 for various purposes, and without them, the population will be poor and angry.
For example
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, a report illustrated that both companies and individuals depend on them to save money, get a loan, and invest in their properties.
Secondly
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,
governments
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 need
banks
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 to raise their economy. A report presented that the majority of taxes and fees that they take are from
banks
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;
as a result
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, if
banks
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 close, the whole country will be in poverty.
Although
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 the points mentioned above are strong, there are adverse points which hold equal strength. The first one is that
banks
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 are as important as any other facility. For
further
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 explanation, some people argue that if the government supports the
banks
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, they should
also
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 help any other facility.
Also
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, some articles acknowledged that hospitals, schools, and markets are as important as the
banks
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, and citizens need them in their daily lives, just like
banks
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, so it is reasonable to support these facilities as well, and the
governments
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 can not rent a variety of facilities.
Besides
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 that, it is the bank's responsibility to solve its problems. A lot of studies captured that each facility is capable of solving its issues, and the government does not have to give them any assistance. In conclusion, there are merits and demerits of supporting
banks
Use synonyms
 during their financial crisis;
however
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, I believe that they do not have to help them.

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Examples
Make sure to include more specific examples to support your arguments. While your essay touches on reports and studies, directly citing these sources or including more detailed examples could strengthen your position.
Conclusion
Consider expanding your conclusion to more directly reflect your personal stance and summarise the key points made throughout the essay. This will make your position clearer to the reader.
Balance
Try to maintain a balanced approach by providing equal development to both sides of the argument. While you've presented both views, ensuring each is equally detailed will enhance your essay's persuasiveness.
Structure
Your essay structures both sides of the argument effectively, making it easy for the reader to follow.
Introduction & Conclusion
You successfully introduced and concluded your essay, framing and summarizing your argument well.
Logical Structure
You've used a clear, logical structure that helps in the cohesion of your essay, making your points easy to follow.
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