IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.
#bar #hours #week #teenagers #activities #chester
The diagram illustrates the quantity of
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 weekly that younger used their leisure to
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 certain activities in Chester in the period from 2002 to 2007.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 there was an increase in the
amount
 of
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
younger spend going to pubs/ discos, and watching
TV
 and shopping
also
 share the same trend, in which watching
TV
 was the most popular
activity
.
While
 the
amount
 of free time that younger spend doing homework, doing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and bowling
activity
 groups decreased over each year,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bowling was the
activity
 group less common. In 2002, going to pubs/ discos was the
activity
 group with the lowest
amount
 of
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5%, compared to approximately 25%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
TV
 and 7% of shopping. By 2007, watching
TV
 and going to pubs/ discos
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose moderately about 37% and 17% in the given diagram layout period,
while
 the figure for shopping was 15%. There was a fluctuation in the
amount
 of
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 that younger spend free time watching DVDs. Doing homework, doing sport and bowling were three
virous
Correct your spelling
various
virus
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 with the highest
amount
 of
hour
 to 13%, 10% and 4% respectively. Obviously, by 2007, these three groups tended to decline in the
amount
 of
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 that adolescents
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spend time activities.
Submitted by nguyennhancrazy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hour, amount, tv, activity with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: