IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#childhood #obesity #australia #two #thirds #children #schools #responsibility #students #amount #exercise
Being overweight is a common problem among all age groups, especially in children residing in Australia. Some people see
this
 as a
responsibility
 of schools to monitor the diet and exercise of their pupils. I,
however do
Accept comma addition
however, do
 not entirely believe that it is the sole
responsibility
 of schools to look after the health of their students.
This
responsibility
 should be shared among parents and educational institutions equally. Schools have been the centre of early childhood learning in many developed countries and
therefore
, are considered to nurture good habits within a child studying in these institutions. In regards to eating healthy and being conscious about their fitness, it is expected of schools to provide initial guidance to students to take care of their health. In reality, educational centres have been less concerned about delivering
such
 lessons that can help kids make healthy eating choices.
As a result
, as many as two thirds of children are now obese in Australia.
However
, schools cannot be entirely held responsible for overlooking eating and fitness habits of their students, parents hold and equal if not greater
responsibility
 of guiding their children to make better decisions. They can teach them how to read and understand food labels and nutritional information provided on top of food packaging. They can
also
 guide them to eat less processed food which is heavy with saturated fats. These practices can surely help the younger generation to make an informed decision on what they are consuming. In conclusion, I believe that schools cannot be held entirely responsible for overseeing the eating and fitness routines of their students.
This
responsibility
also
 falls on the shoulder of the parents to inform and have a discussion on the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.
This
 will help them 0to stay well informed about their dietary consumptions and will stop them from getting overweight.
Submitted by arahmanmdmajid on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: