IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that having these people to give a talk to school students is the best way to tell them about the dangers of committing a crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #talk #school #students #dangers #crime
Some people believe that some ex-offenders who become law-abiding citizens later in their life should have a talk with students. Personally, I totally advocate that school students’ attending a talk given by erstwhile inmates is the most suitable way to make them more aware of the risks of carrying out unlawful activities.
First
 and foremost, having confabulation with ex-criminals could educate young people about the harsh life in
prison
 after
having been engaged
Suggestion
were engaged
has engaged
am engaged
engage
engages
were engaging
 in illegal activities. The previous
prison
 would share their past experience of
prison
 problems
such
 as
prison
 violence or sexual assault.
Therefore
,
this
 would act as a deterrent to youth crime as they are enlightened on the hidden truth behind thorny
prison
 issues encountered by these used-to-be-offenders.
Consequently
, it is essential for pupils to converse with used-to-be wrongdoers who respect the law after being out of
prison
. The alternatives to using reformed criminals to instruct students about crime would be less effective. One option would be for police officers to visit schools and speak to school children.
This
 could be useful in terms of informing students about what happened to lawbreakers when they are caught, but young people are often reluctant to take advice from figures of authority. A
second
 option would be for school teachers
to talk
Suggestion
talk
 to their students about
criminal
Suggestion
crime
 problems, but I doubt that students would see teachers as credible sources of information about
this
 topic. In conclusion, I entirely support that people who have turned their lives around after serving a
prison
 sentence could help to deter pupils from committing crimes.
Submitted by linhtini1712 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: