IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Traditional schooling is out of date, boring and stifles a child’s natural talents, various professionals have pushed for an education revolution. Are there alternatives in the education system? Is traditional education doing more harm than good?

#date #child’s #talents #professionals #education #revolution #alternatives #system #harm
The conventional rote method of learning is often considered to be so dull as to discourage full development of young people’s innate abilities.
This
 essay agrees with the view that the current pedagogy is outdated, and will consider an alternative to traditional
education
. While ordinarily, children are expected to retain pre approved information dictated by a teacher, a self-directed approach can be more beneficial. Holding all children to the same standard will necessarily have a divisive result, with some children believing themselves to be intellectually superior, and others feeling inadequate, perhaps for life. In systems in which achievement is relative,
such
 as in Finland
for example
, young people graduate from
education
 each feeling as if they have completed their own unique path, and knowing deeply and without prejudice their own capabilities, reducing or even eliminating the feelings of inequality that conventional
education
 creates.
Furthermore
, under the current system, students who lack
aptitude
Suggestion
the aptitude
 in core subjects
such
 as mathematics and the sciences are seen as having less intrinsic value to society. These children spend their lives believing that they are inadequate, but many may have valuable talents that were never explored. It is in
this
 way that conventional
education
 does the most harm, by ignoring niche abilities in favour of skills with more mass appeal. Comparing traditional
education
 with the Finnish system of self-direction, we can see that the former is certainly causing harm to a significant number of pupils. To conclude, changes are urgently required in
education
 systems around the world. We should focus more on a child’s
interests
Suggestion
interest
 and innate abilities in order to maintain their engagement, and allow them to direct their own learning to achieve the best outcomes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: