IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#phones #internet #people #development
In
this
 modern-day, smart devices and wireless wifi have played an important part in connecting people in a social context. Some argue that using phones with internet does more good than harm, whereas others oppose it. Despite having several benefits, I believe that the downsides of
this
 development are still more worth being mentioned. The invent of smartphones and the Internet has positive impacts on the human’s lives in term of social communication. One of its benefits is the fact that The internet enables people to connect with each other at a very fast pace. It is undeniable that thanks to the Internet, one can make friends with others who can be geographically distant to him.
Besides
, the young generation can
also
 freely converse with their friends from distant areas without going out of their comfort zone.
However
, using digital pieces along with unlimited access to wifi brings about two main negative effects.
First
,
this
 action triggers an isolated society. That can be explained by the fact that more and more young generation prefer having an online conversation to physically present one. In the long term,
this
 social isolation leads to severe consequences,
such
 as depression, autism, even suicide thoughts among teenagers.
Second
, youngsters have become more and more indifferent to real social issues.
Instead
 of taking steps to tackle local problems within their community,
such
 as volunteering in cleaning the pavements or joining in raising charity fund, youngsters show no interest in these actions and they end up with sticking their eyes on their phones either to play online games or to comment on other's business. All things considered,
although
 it is no doubt that portable phones do offer some convenient experience.
However
, I suppose that its drawbacks are more serious and
thus
 should not be ignored.
Submitted by khanhlyvo1010 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: