Most people believe that social media such as Facebook and Instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Around the globe, many populations think that social media
such
as Facebook and Instagram badly affect the community and independents.
while
I accept that approach is justified, I believe that there are other factors which as humans like similar platforms. On the one hand, it is understandable why using social media platforms might result in serious outcomes. It could badly affect human recognition.
Furthermore
, it is easy to access and identify brutal content
that is
on the internet without supervision and limitations.
As a result
, the young generation, especially teenagers, would maintain bad behaviours
such
as cheating, and blackmailing. Instance, some days ago, a teenage girl from the middle of the country started a relationship with another person through Facebook actually other person was a girl and she was acting like a man
as a result
when she identified that she had been cheated on by another person, after two or three days she suicided
due to
those men published her sexual video to social networks.
On the other hand
, there are a lot of benefits to using the internet
such
as Facebook, Instagram and other similar networks.
Firstly
, all people may learn a lot of things online without visiting any physical classes.
Moreover
, as an example, on YouTube, there are many programmes with all kinds of various industries to learn for all people
such
as teenagers, and mature people.
Secondly
, we could use it as an earning platform.
Furthermore
, that platform we may use the as a part-time job because can prioritise it when we are at home or on off days. In conclusion, social media can have advantages and disadvantages.
Therefore
, I would think it will depend on how we are using it and what are the purposes
while
it is used.
Submitted by agdanush on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but the argument could be more developed with additional examples and clearer explanations. Try to elaborate more on each point to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help to make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
language
Watch out for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Better sentence structure and clarity can significantly improve your essay.
task achievement
You have covered both sides of the argument, which gives a balanced view of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the topic. They frame the essay well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • dysfunctional
  • impede
  • adverse
  • compulsive
  • obsessive
  • inherently
  • undermine
  • vulnerable
  • censorship
  • exploitation
  • vicious cycle
  • isolation
  • fraudulent
  • dissemination
  • manipulation
  • creativity
  • engagement
  • tolerance
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