The scientist believe that computer will become intelligent than human beings. Some people find it is positive while others think it is a negative development. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the
technology driven
Add a hyphen
technology-driven
show examples
world, there may be a chance that
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
will become more intelligent as compared to mankind. It is often argued that
this
is a positive development,
while
others disagree and think that these kinds of development may affect negatively
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human life.
This
essay agrees that an
increase
in computer
technology
is beneficial for the world. On the one hand,
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
of
technology
may help to
live
Verb problem
make
show examples
life easier for individuals. If
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become more intelligent, they may be useful in different sectors
such
as medical and industrial.
While
these kinds of
technology
will be developed with
predefine programmed
Replace the word
predefined programming
show examples
, the computers can be worked more
accurate
Change the word
accurately
show examples
and continuously regarding their fields.
For example
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
German automobile companies use
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
robots in their production,
therefore
the production
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
doubled as compared to
past
Add an article
the past
show examples
decade.
Thus
, improvement in
technology
may give benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the industries and society.
However
, some
people
believe that intelligent computers are problematic for the society. If the machine is working in the industries, companies will not hire humanities for their
same
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
work.
While
people
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
not enough amount of jobs, it will automatically
increase
the amount of unemployed
people
,
therefore
Rephrase
apply
show examples
which may be a chance to
increase
the crime rate.
For example
, one survey proved that 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
will lose their jobs in 2025
due to
robots
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
also
increase
the crime rate exponentially.
To conclude
,
although
it is
fact
Correct article usage
a fact
show examples
that intelligent computers have some negative effect, I personally think it is advantageous, which give several industrial and social advantages to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

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task response
The response somewhat addresses the task, but the ideas lack depth and clarity. More specific examples and a balanced discussion of both views are needed.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure, but it lacks coherence and cohesion. The transition of ideas and relationships between sentences and paragraphs need improvement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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