IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #phones #children
Nowadays, utilizing private phones are increased by children. Some individuals say that they have some bad side effects on kids,
however
, others have completely different idea. There are rational arguments on both sides of the given statement which will be discussed in details, followed by my point of view. On the one hand, The main reason is that being unhealthy is a determining factor for being harmful of cell phones for kids.
To begin
 with, considering that children use mobile phone, they are more likely to accustomed to play more games on private phones.
That is
 to say, when children play games, they do habit to spend huge amount of
time
 for playing. Take a spending four hours playing a specific game as an example; the kids would get overweight, because of the fact that spent
time
 to employ mobile phones rather than doing body activity entertainment.
Moreover
, some rays of mobile phones have really bad impact on the child's mind as well.
Thus
, the more dedicating
time
 for using of cell phones, the more unhealthy affection of children.
On the other hand
, the opposing view asserts that two essential reasons can explain why the mobile phone is useful to kids. To simply put,
firstly
, parents always worry about their children, when they are away from their families.
That is
 to say, by using cell phones by kids, parents can have access to them all the
time
. A good illustration for
this
 is going picnic while children are in the picnic with their friend, their families can navigate their location. In the mean
time
,
secondly
, the mobile phones could enhance the knowledge of children to the new-fledged technologies for the sake of employing them in the future life. To conclude, there are valid arguments on the both sides of
this
 controversy,
however
, it is my firm opinion that attention should be paid to prevent children for utilizing mobile phones, because they require to be more energetic following by some unhealthy problems.
Submitted by f_shahbazi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive screen time
  • health problems
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • disrupted sleep patterns
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • reliance
  • impair
  • social skills
  • educational tools
  • digital literacy
  • mitigated
  • parental guidance
  • safeguards
  • responsible use
  • monitored
  • development
  • benefits
  • risks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: