Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that outdoor activities provide more benefits for a child’s
development
than playing computer
games
. Not only do I completely agree with this
idea, but I also
believe that computer
games
are quite detrimental to a child’s development
.
Outdoor activities are beneficial to children
in many ways. Human beings are meant to be a part of nature, and constantly being trapped in unnatural environments limits children
’s ability to develop physically, mentally, and emotionally. For example
, humans are not designed to sit in a chair for long periods of time
, be it in a classroom or in an office, as it has detrimental effects on their bodies. Spending time
outdoors helps to remedy this
problem by allowing people to move freely and stimulate and strengthen their muscles which helps to improve their posture and well-being. Furthermore
, studies have proven that children
who spend more time
outdoors and in nature are far less stressed and more mentally and emotionally stable than those who spend less time
outdoors and more time
watching television or playing computer
games
.
Playing computer
games
, on the other hand
, poses several risks to the development
of children
. Firstly
, most computer
games
are addictive, and this
can lead to several negative effects for children
, both physically and mentally. Studies have shown that children
who play computer
games
for even just one hour a day can suffer from eyesight and musculoskeletal problems, which inevitably negatively affect other areas of their lives, including their studies. Moreover
, mental health problems such
as anxiety, depression, and stress are commonly found in children
who play addictive and violent computer
games
, and this
also
negatively affects their development
,
and can have a detrimental impact on their relationships and ability to communicate with others.
In conclusion, Remove the comma
apply
although
some computer
games
can be educational and can have certain positive effects on children
’s development
, I believe that the negative impacts far outweigh any benefits,
and that spending Remove the comma
apply
time
outdoors is the key to healthy development
for children
.Submitted by mohsen.souri93 on
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task achievement
To further improve your essay, consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention particular studies or data to support your points about the physical and mental benefits of outdoor activities.
task achievement
Make sure to address possible counterarguments. Including a brief discussion on the potential benefits of computer games (e.g., educational games) could demonstrate a well-rounded perspective.
coherence cohesion
A little more variation in transition words and phrases can enhance the flow even further. Consider using phrases like 'in addition,' 'moreover,' or 'consequently' to add variety.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported with relevant arguments. The essay presents a balanced viewpoint, acknowledging the limited benefits of computer games while emphasizing outdoor activities.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, covering various benefits of outdoor activities for children's development and addressing the negative impacts of computer games.
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