IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree?

It's commonly argued that countries should
improve
Verb problem
focus more on
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 educational majors than on recreational and sports activities. I disagree with considering sports and recreational fields less important to be invested
on
Change preposition
in
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compering
Verb problem
compared
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 to education.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to discuss how fitness and creativity
meant
Verb problem
are meant
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 to be part of the fundamental education system and the importance of both aspects to
well
Correct word order
apply
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present our countries
to
Correct word order
well to
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 the world. Game and recreation should be considered
along with
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 the educational system, universities and schools encouraged to provide more lessons in these regards, the reason behind
that is
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 people can get specialist by graduating from these specific majors, pastime and recreational activities can be taught and presented with specific curriculum, many athletes rewarded with medals based on their successfulness in a certain type of fun,
for example
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 Mohammed Ali Klay was one of the famous and successful person who took boxing as hobby a career to build upon. There are other benefits of investing in
such
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 fields, as there are enormous and
variety
Replace the word
varied
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 competitive athletics games and creative shows, which are created on
the
Correct article usage
a
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 participant
base
Check wording
basis
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 to allow different
specialized
Change the spelling
specialised
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 people to be part of. Empowering young people to gain experience and skills in those fields can have a significant positive effect on their countries
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other words, they can build up a reputation
about
Change preposition
for
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 their country and its improved systems,
therefore
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 attracting tourists and students
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 other
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
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form
Use the right word
from
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 the whole world. In conclusion,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 is encouraged to allocate from its budget to improve the educational system,
as well as
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 leisure and competitive sport games
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 we can't deny the benefits that
brings
Correct pronoun usage
it brings
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 to our country.

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overall
Plan your answer. State your view clearly in the first paragraph and keep it in mind.
support
Give clear reasons for your view and support them with examples or facts.
grammar
Use simple and correct grammar. Check verb tenses and subject forms.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'also', 'however', 'moreover' to connect paragraphs.
structure
Each paragraph should have one main idea.
clarity
Avoid long run-on sentences; use shorter sentences.
content
The writer shows a clear stance that both education and sport should be funded.
structure
The essay has a plan with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
ideas
There is a range of ideas about benefits of sport and education.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental
  • workforce
  • fosters
  • innovation
  • inequality
  • circumstances
  • outcomes
  • hygiene
  • private sector
  • initiatives
  • engaged
  • stability
  • cohesion
  • national pride
  • economic development
  • societal progress
What to do next:
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