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Band 5.5

Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#live #performance #play #concert #event #television
Thanks to the advent of technology, nowadays, people do not need to watch live performances
such
 as a concert or soccer
tournament
Fix the agreement mistake
tournaments
show examples
, rather they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 stay at home and enjoy the recap on television.
Although
this
 seems to have the potential to exceed the traditional appreciation for the convenience it proceeds, in my point of view, watching live events would still remain to be preferable to audiences.
To begin
 with, it is no doubt that televisions have brought entertainment events closer to congregations closer than ever.
Instead
 of spending time on booking tickets, reserving fine seats, and queueing to get to the stadium and standing among the crowd, plays or sports watchers can simply observe their show
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 just a click of a remote.
Moreover
, technology offers event audiences
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various outlet functions,
such
 as recap shows, volume control, and close-up scenes. With these advantages, show observers could not only save time and money
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 be able to be facilitated with benefits.
However
, despite all of these conveniences, indirect programs are still incapable
to bring
Change preposition
of bringing
show examples
 the thrilling, genuine and
agitate
Wrong verb form
agitating
show examples
 vibe
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 eye-to-eye plays.
For instance
, on some occasions, technology cannot replicate the holy sound of human voices from concerts, typically, opera shows; or the breathtaking feel
watching
Change preposition
of watching
show examples
 the quarrel between two soccer teams.
In addition
, at live shows, one has the chance to gather with other fans of a singer or sports team, to cheer their favourite team or to share opinions with other members.
Furthermore
, if they are lucky enough, they would even have the privilege to meet their idols at that stadium. In summary, the new method of approaching entertainment shows through television simplifies the process by which one watches the show;
nevertheless
, watching a performance directly is the sole way that offers the integral experience of a play.
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coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by focusing on one point per paragraph and following a clear pattern of development.
task achievement
Try to elaborate your examples more, to make your opinion clearer.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive experience
  • replicated
  • energy
  • atmosphere
  • sense of community
  • shared excitement
  • unforgettable
  • predictable
  • convenience
  • comfort
  • crowds
  • travel
  • multiple camera angles
  • close-ups
  • replays
  • enhancing
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