IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is argued that the parents of children who break the rules should be punished in some ways as parents are responsible for the children's actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#parents #children #rules #actions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is debated by some people that parents of children who breach the case, should be penalized in the same ways. I disagree, as no parent would ever encourage his or her infant to become a criminal, and punishing the parents for the fault of one juvenile would be unfair to the other siblings. Parents, no matter how many offences they have committed themselves, would never persuade their youth to break the mandate.
That is
 to say, parents have an innate desire, to raise their kids to become a successful, case-abiding citizen.
However
, kids these days hardly ever listen to their parents, and yearn for independence, at a very early age, from their parents and ruling.
For instance
, a recent survey in the UK showed, almost 80% of the children who were caught shoplifting, were already being seriously condemned and punished by their parents. Another reason I am against punishing the parents for the crimes of their child is that
this
 would be unfair to the other innocent siblings. They have done nothing wrong, and
thus
, don’t deserve to have their parents taken away from them. Putting their parents in jail would
also
 increase their chances of following the bad path and the whole family would be destroyed. Children raised in social care centres and foster homes are known to have 10 times more personality disorders and violent temperaments. In conclusion, parents should not be convicted for their children breaking the law, as they try their best to deter them from doing so.
Moreover
,
this
 will be unjust to the other siblings who didn’t commit any offence.
Submitted by khamdamovazizbek777 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: