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Band 7

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationships
There is an idea that state-of-the-art gadgets used to communicate are badly influencing citizens in their
relationships
.
This
 writer approves of it since it increases the
cyber
crimes
Change the noun form
crime
show examples
 rate and encourages people to not face others in real life. On the directly affected hand, it is crucial to acknowledge that the modernization of
communication
technology
 is worsening
cyber
crimes
. Following the development of technological equipment, it is functions that are usefully appeared for users
such
 as filter and deep fake AI.
However
,
besides
 the benefits those bring about, criminals can
also
 utilize them to cause fraud, bullies and fake news easily.
For example
, fraud criminals can apply deep fake and fake voices to increase success levels.
Therefore
, a large number of
cyber
crimes
 seemed to be encouraged and appeared immediately.
On the other hand
, the pervasive use of modern
communication
technology
 can
also
 lead to a decline in face-to-face
interactions
, thereby weakening social bonds. With the advent of social media platforms and instant messaging apps, people often opt for virtual
interactions
 over real-life conversations.
This
 trend can lead to a decrease in the quality of
relationships
 as genuine connections are replaced by superficial online
interactions
.
Additionally
, excessive screen time can detract from meaningful face-to-face
interactions
, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness. In conclusion,
while
 modern
communication
technology
 has undoubtedly revolutionized the way we connect and communicate, its widespread use
also
 poses significant challenges to social
relationships
. From an increase in
cyber
crimes
 to a decline in face-to-face
interactions
, the negative effects of modern
communication
technology
 on social
relationships
 cannot be ignored. It is imperative that individuals and society as a whole strive to strike a balance between the benefits and drawbacks of these technological advancements in order to foster healthy and fulfilling
relationships
.

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task achievement
Consider refining the introduction to more clearly state your position. You might want to briefly touch upon the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
Ensure all examples are specific and directly support the arguments made. The essay could be enriched with more concrete examples or data.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning between points more fluidly. This will help maintain a smooth flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on clarifying some sentences and avoiding awkward phrasing. This will improve the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both aspects of the issue: the increase in cyber crimes and the decline in face-to-face interactions.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, giving a clear start and end to the argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical organization of ideas, with distinct paragraphs addressing different points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • superficial relationships
  • meaningful conversations
  • notifications
  • long-distance relationships
  • online communities
  • social networks
  • social anxiety
  • digital communication
  • real-world interactions
  • over-reliance
  • detrimental effect
  • inhibit
  • deep social connections
  • distract
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