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Band 7

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. Do you agree or disagree?

#world #animals #food #products #medicines
In the past two decades, there has been a significant change in eating habits with a shift to more unhealthy convenience
foods
 that can be consumed on the go.
Although
this
 has resulted in some negative consequences, it is possible to mitigate them if
governments
 and citizens take action together. The increase in the consumption of fast food has led to serious health effects in today’s society. The first problem is that many people no longer have time to prepare and sit down to healthily cooked meals, so
instead
 turn to fast food, which has led to soaring obesity rates.
In addition
, it is cited that unhealthy
foods
 are substantially cheaper and are
therefore
 consumed in greater volume by the working classes as opposed to more expensive fresh
foods
such
 as fish, fruit and vegetables. A third issue is that the unhealthy chemicals and preservatives in processed
foods
 have been directly attributed to causing fatal health issues
such
 as cardiovascular disease and cancer. There are several measures that
governments
 could take to lessen the impact of the aforementioned problems. Regarding the time constraints of society, laws to restrict employee working hours and the enforcement of longer lunch breaks could encourage people to change their eating habits. To address cost issues,
governments
 could implement higher taxation levies on unhealthy
foods
 and use the revenues generated to subsidize fresh
foods
 for
working class
Add a hyphen
working-class
show examples
 families.
Governments
 should
also
 directly address the production methods of
mass processed
Add a hyphen
mass-processed
show examples
foods
 with the manufacturers and implement tougher restrictions on the use of harmful preservatives. In conclusion, a range of measures can be taken to combat the health issues related to consuming unhealthy food. If
such
 actions are not implemented, it is likely that these problems will become more prevalent and lead to a greater number of unnecessary deaths.

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed. Pay attention to the specific task requirements and provide a clear opinion on the use of animals as food or other products.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of logical structure, but ensure that ideas are fully developed and connected throughout the essay. Work on enhancing the flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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