There is no need to go out to see live performance (concert...) because it is better to see them on the TV or Computer screen. Do you agree or disagree

#performance #concert #tv #computer #screen

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An emerging trend which has generated a widespread phenomenon in

Use synonyms

entertainment

Add an article

the entertainment

show examples

field is watching

home

Use synonyms

movie

Fix the agreement mistake

movies

show examples

. I am inclined to believe that watching

movies

Use synonyms

home

Use synonyms

is much better than coming to the social cinema. Not only will watching

Use synonyms

movie

Fix the agreement mistake

movies

show examples

home

Use synonyms

help us to save our precious time, but it can

also

Linking Words

be a private area to enjoy

movie

Use synonyms

series. To look at the

home

Use synonyms

entertainment

Use synonyms

aspect, the most important factor to consider is

Use synonyms

home

Correct article usage

the home

show examples

entertainment

Use synonyms

aspect. If a person has his or her private applications or websites to relax against some pillows

while

Linking Words

watching the

movies

Use synonyms

, it will be one of the best

option

Change to a plural noun

options

show examples

for them to save

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

of huge money

instead

Linking Words

uncomfortable

Add a missing verb

being uncomfortable

show examples

going

direct

Replace the word

directly

show examples

to the social cinema.

Such

Linking Words

a form of

home

Use synonyms

entertainment

Use synonyms

moreover

Linking Words

, will create a private place for us to watch wonderful

movies

Use synonyms

without irritating

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others intensely. The more people are around, the more bad emotional feelings we will get. It is true that we always find confidence and truly

happy

Replace the word

happiness

show examples

whenever we can gather with friends or family members, which can be destroyed

while

Linking Words

watching in the social cinema with strangers. In order to avoid

this

Linking Words

situation, all we need to do is self-quarantine, find a great

Correct your spelling

show examples

show and relax. With that being said, everything always has its defective sides and it is pretty true on

home

Use synonyms

movie

Use synonyms

watching. What really makes

audience

Add an article

the audience

show examples

truly boring

about

Change preposition

with

show examples

the film is

Correct article usage

the

show examples

distraction. Assuming a person is watching his favourite

movie

Use synonyms

, he might be momentarily distracted by social media platforms

such

Linking Words

as Facebook, Instagram or even the notification of messages which is pretty unpleasant. Watching

movies

Use synonyms

home

Use synonyms

can affect negatively

Change preposition

apply

show examples

our routine, we might be immersed in blockbuster

movies

Use synonyms

Correct your spelling

show examples

series and be lazy.

Moreover

Linking Words

, Blue light from computer screens will cause some contemporary symptoms

such

Linking Words

as eye strain,

blur

Replace the word

blurred

show examples

vision or headache. In conclusion, watching

Use synonyms

movie

Fix the agreement mistake

movies

show examples

is on the rise, and

this

Linking Words

Use synonyms

home watching

Add a hyphen

home-watching

show examples

trend brings both advantages and disadvantages to

our self

Correct your spelling

ourselves

show examples

and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others.

Submitted by michaelangelos303 on Tue Mar 31 2020

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task response

The essay addresses the topic adequately, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of watching movies at home instead of in a social cinema. Some points could be further developed to provide a more comprehensive response.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a well-structured introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with arguments and examples, enhancing the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

338 words

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Certainly, let's enhance the essay to potentially achieve a Band 9 in IELTS Writing:

There is no need to go out to see live performance (concert...) because it is better to see them on the TV or Computer screen. Do you agree or disagree

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents choosing to self-educate their children at home rather than sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g., film stars, pop musicians or sport stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? which other types of job should be highly paid?

In some countries unemployment is high, so some people think that children should only go to primary school and not to secondary school because, they will not be able to find jobs in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?