IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?

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Increased wealth has allowed both the government and individuals to spend more on special occasions than before, especially when it comes to national
celebrations
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.
However
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,
this
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 does not mean that modern people are leading an extravagant lifestyle, as will now be discussed. On the societal level, public spending on special
events
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 should not be considered a waste of financial resources. One reason is that national
celebrations
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 act as a catalyst for the growth of the tourism industry, attracting more foreign tourists to pay a visit to the country. The economy may reap the benefits from the investment of the government in festivals and New Year
celebrations
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, courtesy of job creation and income generation from the growing demand for food, accommodation and transport. Another justification is that social
events
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 pay dividends because they can increase social cohesion. People of different classes may together, enjoy the joyful atmosphere
, make
Rephrase
together, make
show examples
 friends and leave their hardships behind, which contributes to social well-being. It is
also
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 ludicrous to blame individuals for their spending on special occasions. Primarily, the money we earn from work should be used to not only cover the cost of living but
also
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 enjoy life. Recreational
events
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 are great chances for us to escape the tedium of mundane tasks at the workplace, and a sum of money spent on a party,
for example
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, can help us achieve
this
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.
In addition
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, people should not live a frugal life/existence for the rest of their lives. The New Year holiday is a great chance for them to spend part of their savings on food, decorations and clothing, so they have a happy time to tighten the bond with other family members. In conclusion, judging a sum
that is
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/ought to be allocated for special
events
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 is very subjective.
Therefore
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, I personally disagree that we are overspending the national budget and individual savings on national
celebrations
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.

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task response
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both the societal and individual perspectives on spending for national celebrations. However, more specific examples and detailed explanations would strengthen the argument and make the response even more complete.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-organized, with clear paragraphs and a logical flow, some ideas could be linked more explicitly to enhance coherence. Try using transition words or phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and each paragraph supports the main point effectively, which contributes to a well-rounded essay.
supported main points
The essay provides clear examples, such as the impact on tourism and individual enjoyment, to support the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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