Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

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Today, there is an argument between people who believe that
schools
should raise their funds for new digital gadgets
while
other individuals think that
this
amount of
money
should be allocated to
teachers
' salaries.
This
essay will illustrate that it is more beneficial for
schools
to invest their
money
to improve their computational sections
instead
of wages. On the one hand, putting a
lot
of
money
to level up the computer systems in educational environments is recommended by a
lot
of people. Since a
lot
of technological gadgets have been being improved over the
last
decade
as well as
the introduction of new types of chatbots,
schools
can utilize these cutting-edge technologies in teaching because a
lot
of pupils not only are more familiar with them but
also
using advanced gadgets they can learn in an interactive place where their knowledge,
as a result
, can be improved in an appropriate way.
For instance
, in Iran since 2020 all universities have been developed with virtual reality equipment which has improved the level of learning by 80%.
On the other hand
, some individuals believe in
this
concept that the investment of
schools
should be on professors' salaries. If
teachers
' incomes are increased, they will be more enthusiastic to put their all effort and attention into teaching students more effectively.
However
, in many cases, improving the wage without the improvement of other sections would have a reverse effect that can reduce the passion of
teachers
.
Also
, if the computers in
schools
are levelled up,
teachers
not only can spend more time with their families but
also
can set classes online which can provide an environment where
teachers
instead
of being tired of the traffic, can teach children in a better manner.
For example
, after COVID-19 in 2021, more than 90% of
teachers
in Iran
instead
of demanding salaries, have wanted to teach children online because it is more convenient. In conclusion, these days most people have different prospects of investing
money
in
schools
whether on improving
schools
' computers or
teachers
' wages.
This
essay explains that putting
money
into enhancing electrical devices not only has more advantages for
schools
and students but
also
will help
teachers
to teach in better ways.
Submitted by ramtin.n1374 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and structure to support it. Some sections could be made clearer.
task response
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, especially for the section supporting teachers' wages.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that bookend the discussion effectively.
task response
You responded to the task by discussing both views and stating your opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
task response
Relevant examples were used to support your points, such as the mention of Iran's educational institutions adopting virtual reality.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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