Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

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Today, there is an argument between people who believe that
schools
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should raise their funds for new digital gadgets
while
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other individuals think that
this
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amount of
money
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should be allocated to
teachers
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' salaries.
This
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essay will illustrate that it is more beneficial for
schools
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to invest their
money
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to improve their computational sections
instead
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of wages. On the one hand, putting a
lot
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of
money
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to level up the computer systems in educational environments is recommended by a
lot
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of people. Since a
lot
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of technological gadgets have been being improved over the
last
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decade
as well as
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the introduction of new types of chatbots,
schools
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can utilize these cutting-edge technologies in teaching because a
lot
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of pupils not only are more familiar with them but
also
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using advanced gadgets they can learn in an interactive place where their knowledge,
as a result
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, can be improved in an appropriate way.
For instance
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, in Iran since 2020 all universities have been developed with virtual reality equipment which has improved the level of learning by 80%.
On the other hand
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, some individuals believe in
this
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concept that the investment of
schools
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should be on professors' salaries. If
teachers
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' incomes are increased, they will be more enthusiastic to put their all effort and attention into teaching students more effectively.
However
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, in many cases, improving the wage without the improvement of other sections would have a reverse effect that can reduce the passion of
teachers
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.
Also
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, if the computers in
schools
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are levelled up,
teachers
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not only can spend more time with their families but
also
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can set classes online which can provide an environment where
teachers
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instead
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of being tired of the traffic, can teach children in a better manner.
For example
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, after COVID-19 in 2021, more than 90% of
teachers
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in Iran
instead
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of demanding salaries, have wanted to teach children online because it is more convenient. In conclusion, these days most people have different prospects of investing
money
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in
schools
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whether on improving
schools
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' computers or
teachers
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' wages.
This
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essay explains that putting
money
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into enhancing electrical devices not only has more advantages for
schools
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and students but
also
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will help
teachers
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to teach in better ways.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and structure to support it. Some sections could be made clearer.
task response
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, especially for the section supporting teachers' wages.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that bookend the discussion effectively.
task response
You responded to the task by discussing both views and stating your opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
task response
Relevant examples were used to support your points, such as the mention of Iran's educational institutions adopting virtual reality.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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