Some people say that modern innovation brings a lot more problems than benefits? Do you agree or disagree?

#people #innovation

Modern renovations are thought by some to have had many devastating effects on society, while others believe these inventions are

boon

Suggestion

boons

a boon

However

, I believe that

such

revolutions encourage individuals, I agree that they have had damaging outcomes

Suggestion

for

local communities. With regard to individuals the impact of modernization has had advantages on each person.

Firstly

, it saves time to improve communication technology in trade with greater

efficiency whereas

Accept comma addition

efficiency, whereas

before the development of technology people had the chance to meet face-to-face.

Secondly

although

the flexibility in business with 24/7 online jobs; work from home has increased the accessibility of data, in the past, people worked only 9 to 10 hours a day for social work-life balance.

Finally

, the invention of

vaccines which

Accept comma addition

vaccines, which

saves people from life-threatening diseases like plague, smallpox, etc.

but

Suggestion

But

it has hazardous risks in terms of allergic reactions.

As a result

, the modernized era has had countless merits over some stumbling blocks.

On the other hand

, the ramifications of modern transformation: the scope of employment; as can be seen as negative; online shopping,

uber

at a higher position than

over

shared base transport disrupted the local taxi industry.

Moreover

, the other concern is the lack of security regarding Bank transactions,

for example

, email hacking is a common issue nowadays.

Besides

this

, the sedentary lifestyle due to computer-based jobs, people are unable to perform physical exercise which leads to various health issues namely obesity, blood pressure, and vision problems.

Additionally

, these inventions

also

increased environmental pollution; though the harmful emission of gases and chemical waste from Industries. The traffic congestion is a vital source of air

pollution which

Accept comma addition

pollution, which

expands the death rates.

Consequently

, there are enormous obstacles that cannot be ignored, as it is catastrophic for society. In conclusion, even though modern revolutions have brought people to a certain height of success, they have not had the same effect on local communities.

However

, I completely agree that the evolution of technology has major unwanted life-threatening outcomes;

this

essay outlines the detrimental effects of modernism.

Submitted by deeptisahu2512 on Sun Apr 12 2020

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

329 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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