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Band 6.5

Improving living conditions within society is a far superior approach to crime prevention than the treat of punishment. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement and why?

#conditions #society #approach #crime #prevention #treat #punishment
The twenty-
first
 century has been a rapid rise in the number of crimes all over the globe.
As a result
, one of the main aims of the government is to find the best
way
 of
crime
 prevention. From my point of view,
although
 punishing criminals might temporarily reduce
crime
, improving living conditions may prevent reason to make a
crime
 at all.
This
 essay will support
this
 view with arguments in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the majority of criminals make crimes due to the lack of money. To put it another
way
, some people think that there is the only
way
 to survive in our expensive world is to be a thief, burglar or fraud. In
this
 case, a large number of crimes can prevent by improving population life conditions.
For example
, recently the problem of unemployment has become quite popular among young people. Eventually, some parts of unemployed youth despair and choose the easiest
way
 to earn money through
crime
.
That is
why if
Accept comma addition
why, if
 the government gives more opportunities to find a job, increases the average salary, and supports citizens, the crimes would be prevented.
On the other hand
, many support the view that making
crime
 is a disease.
In other words
, some criminals are mentally ill people, who live only to make a
crime
. I believe that
this
 type of person has to be put into prisons or hospitals. To show an example, paedophilia
does not stop
Suggestion
do not stop
 after improving living conditions, the only solution
for
Suggestion
to
this
 terrible
crime
 is to punish criminals.
Nevertheless
, to prevent a large proportion of the
crime
 the government needs to revise population living standards. Taking everything into account, despite some of the perceived benefits from the punishment of the criminals, I still believe that the best solution to reduce
crime
 is to improve people’s living conditions.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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