IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmentally and economically. Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

#foods #people #food
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In the meantime, Many countries bring different types of foods from overseas countries.
some
Suggestion
Some
 people believe that traditional
food
Use synonyms
 has more positive impact on
environment
Suggestion
the environment
, and it
is increase
Suggestion
is increasing
has increased
increases
 the income for the society.
Actually
Suggestion
Actual
 number of disadvantages more than the benefits.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
discus
to consider or examine in speech or writing
discuss
 both of them in detail.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
When governments encourage companies to buy foods from global market
,
Accept space
,
they create new opportunities for jobs.
In addition
Linking Words
 to, they make competitions between
a
Suggestion
an
 actuality plethora of brand in the market, and it
give
Suggestion
gives
 people varieties of
same kind
Suggestion
the same kind
 of foods, and they can select which will be better for them.
as
Suggestion
As
example research
Accept comma addition
example, research
 reported that many companies hired more that thousand employees in Cairo
last
Linking Words
 year, as governments allow
to
Suggestion
for
 them to increase
number
Suggestion
the number
 of
exports
Suggestion
export
food
Use synonyms
 to Cairo.
However
Linking Words
, The
food
Use synonyms
 coming from far way is so expensive and cost a lot of money to bring it.
Also
Linking Words
 shipment companies put high fees on
food
Use synonyms
 exports
,
Accept space
,
while the traditional foods are
more fresh
Suggestion
fresher
 than the foods coming from outside, and it is so
sheep
the short weak cry of a young bird
cheep
.
as
Suggestion
As
 it available for all levels of people.
Linking Words
for
Suggestion
For
instance magazines
Accept comma addition
instance, magazines
 spread
news
Suggestion
the news
last
Linking Words
 year and mentioned increasing of
number
Suggestion
the number
 of traditional restaurants in Egypt.
Moreover
Linking Words
, If we allow to buy many
Use synonyms
food
Suggestion
foods
 from far away, it will need to use many thousands of vans and flights for transporting process, which increase the level of pollution in
environment
Suggestion
the environment
.
the
Suggestion
The
exports
Suggestion
export
food
Use synonyms
include
Suggestion
includes
 preservatives which have negative effects on health, and maximize the obesity in bodies.
as
Suggestion
As
 example Cairo considered one of the highest polluted cities around the world, as there are many lorries transport foods markets located in Cairo. To sum up
,
Accept space
,
the counties and governments
must to minimize
Suggestion
must minimize
 to buy
food
Use synonyms
 exports, due to save the environment
for
Suggestion
from
 pollution. If they depend on local foods
,
Accept space
,
it will have a significant impact on their revenue.
they
Suggestion
They
also
Linking Words
 can make media campaigns to push and encourage people to but traditional foods.
Submitted by shehabawaad on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon emissions
  • transportation
  • environmentally friendly
  • economically beneficial
  • local farmers
  • local economy
  • fresher
  • nutritious
  • food security
  • imports
  • preserving
  • traditional farming practices
  • biodiversity
  • limited variety
  • availability
  • cost
  • contributor
What to do next:
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