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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #job #income #life #work
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Some people believe that
besides
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 wage to meet their essential needs, an occupation
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also create
Suggestion
also creates
 a good relationship with their colleagues. While others think that it is better to widen their social relationships outside the workplace. From my perspective, there are some benefits of both views,
however
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, I would suppose developing social
life
Use synonyms
 with those unrelated to their
work
Use synonyms
 is better. On the one hand, it is clear that a job
give
Suggestion
gives
 them a good opportunity to provide income and social
life
Use synonyms
. Wages are considered an essential factor and an incentive for employees to
work
Use synonyms
 harder because they helps them earn money and improve the standard of living.
Besides
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, working environment allows them
meet
Suggestion
to meet
 and
work
Use synonyms
 with many co-workers who have different culture, styles and levels. When working, they can support by sharing experience, skills, difficulties and overcome those together to achieve their mission.
In addition
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, there are
also
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 some solidarity-strengthening activities
such
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 as bonding,
teambuilding
Suggestion
team building
 et
cetera
Suggestion
 to gain a better understanding and to get more close-knit.
On the other hand
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, it is undeniable that outside of
work
Use synonyms
 is an ideal environment to establish friendships. There are two main
reason
Suggestion
reasons
 as follows.
Firstly
Linking Words
, making friends with people
work
Use synonyms
 in different trades broadens their knowledge in various.
For example
Linking Words
, if their friend is
an
Suggestion
a
 tour guide, they are able to be listened to interesting, helpful experiences, culture and people from different places. As a
results
Suggestion
result
,
these
denotes a person or thing
this
 knowledge may help them not only in their
life
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 in
workplace
Suggestion
the workplace
workplaces
. The
second
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 is releasing from pressure. It is understandable that competition in
workplace
Suggestion
the workplace
a workplace
workplaces
 and the amount of
work
Use synonyms
 often make stress for employees.
Therefore
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, they need friends to share stories, problems that are impossible to talk with colleagues. In fact, social relationships outside usually
base
Suggestion
based
 on same hobbies so they feel more comfortable when they are together. To sum up, an occupation gives both income and social
Use synonyms
life but
Accept comma addition
life, but
 I believed that it is more beneficial to socialize outside of
work
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by thuytrannguyenthanh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Income
  • Social network
  • Colleagues
  • Emotional support
  • Teamwork
  • Work-related challenges
  • Collaborative projects
  • Workplace events
  • Professional growth
  • Mentorships
  • Career advancement
  • Social life
  • Stress
  • Burnout
  • Diverse social life
  • Perspectives
  • Well-being
  • Mental health
  • Personal development
  • Professional life
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