IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Government should spend more money on education that on recreation and sports. Di you agree or disagree

#government #money #education #recreation #sports
Almost all governments, across the globe, have a yearly budget to distribute money for various activities. I agree that governments should allocate a higher budget for
education
 compared to recreation and sports.
This
 can be proven by analysing, how spending more money on
education
 can reduce unemployment
rate
 as well as decrease crime
rate
. If more people are educated in a country, it is apparent that the employment
rate
 of that nation will be high, as there are a lot of skilled employments available throughout the world. But to have many people educated, the governments should provide
good
Suggestion
a good education system
education
 system which is affordable by the citizens.
For example
, as per the report published August 2015, America has
very less unemployment
Suggestion
a very less unemployment rate
rate
 as the government provides best quality
education
 to the citizens at a very minimal fee.
Thus
, it is obvious that the government should focus on spending more on the
education
 sector. The recreation and sports activities are
also
 important for
people but
Accept comma addition
people, but
 the
education
has
Suggestion
have
 far better importance. By analysing how allocating more money for
education
 can increase employment
rate
 and make the earth a safer place to live, it is very important that governments should allocate a higher percent of the budget on
education
. It is predicted that importance is given to recreation and sports as well, but not at the cost of
education
.
Submitted by hanaiym on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: