IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe the government should spend money on building trains and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Others think that building more and wider roads is the better way to reduce traffic congestion. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #government #money #trains #subway #lines #traffic #congestion #roads
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary era of globalization, governments in many nations are struggling to find a proper solution to solve the hectic traffic issue. A diverse range of individuals believe that the government should invest money in constructing railways and trains.
While
 others assumed that it would be better to enhance
roads
 by repairing and widening them. In
this
 essay, both statements will be elucidated. On the one hand, trains played a crucial role in our lives for many years.
Firstly
, modern trains are working by electricity.
This
 source of energy does not emit greenhouse gases,
thus
, it will preserve the environment without harming it.
Moreover
, can handle many individuals at the same time. The train incidents ratio is very low.
According to
 a study conducted by Manchester University, subway transportation is the safest way to travel. In sharp contrast to
this
, expanding
roads
 and fixing them is vital.
Initially
, it can endure more vehicles.
In other words
, there will be more public transportation on
roads
,
hence
, the rate of cars will be reduced.
Furthermore
, folks will be able to arrive fast at their work.
This
 will have a significant impact on their satisfaction and will increase their productivity. In Egypt, a survey was done by the government, it demonstrated that the Egyptians were ecstatic because of the new
roads
. In conclusion, the government should be aware of what suits their people. From my point of view, I firmly with the idea of ameliorating the railways. I think has a pivotal impact on our ecosystem and will secure it.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses both views thoroughly by providing balanced arguments for each side. You have discussed the points well, but a bit more depth in discussing the advantages and disadvantages could further enhance your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by making clear transitions between ideas. Your paragraphs are clear, but sometimes the transition between points can be improved for better understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Double-check your conclusion to ensure it aligns with the points made in the body of your essay. This helps in reinforcing your opinion effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay includes a strong introduction and conclusion, which frames your discussion well.
task achievement
You have successfully incorporated relevant and specific examples, like the studies from Manchester University and the Egyptian government survey, to support your points.
task achievement
The ideas in your essay are generally clear and articulated well. There is an evident structure and purpose in the discussion, reflecting a coherent response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: