IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Soon people who cannot work with computers will be disadvantaged. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #computers
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Owing to the burgeoning development in technology,
computers
 are extensively used in all sectors of life. It is believed by many that, in future, people
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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who will not have knowledge of
computers
 will
lack
Verb problem
fall
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 behind and I completely agree
to
Change preposition
with
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this
 notion. To embark on, in
this
 technological era, every organization is putting emphasis on turning their operations automated.
For
this
 reason, these smart machines now have become ubiquitous and can be seen at each and every place we visit.
For instance
,
computers
 are widely used in banks, government offices, hospitals, schools, universities etcetera.
Thus
, the individuals who remain deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
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 computer awareness will not be able to secure a handsome job in these fields. Another point to consider is the deadly combination of
internet
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the internet
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 with
computers
. The advent of
World
Correct article usage
the World
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 Wide Web has brought
the
Correct article usage
a
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 mammoth information available
at
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans’
finger tips
Correct your spelling
fingertips
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. So in order to keep oneself updated one, must be able to operate
computers
,
otherwise
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 would have to rely on others for even small tasks.
Moreover
, it is worth mentioning that now, even in rural areas,
computers
 are massively utilized by
populace
Add an article
the populace
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 to access online shopping websites, food sites, online ticket booking,
searching
Wrong verb form
search
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 information and for huge number of other applications.
The people
Correct article usage
People
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 of all age groups are increasingly becoming dependent on
this
 smart machine to accomplish their umpteen tasks.
In other words
, the computer has become indispensable to humans.
Therefore
, any person, who is unable to handle
this
 machine, would definitely face numerous hurdles in his/her
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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 life. In conclusion, it is undeniable to accept that
computers
 have become an absolute imperative for humans. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the people lagging in computer knowledge will certainly encounter a number of difficulties even in their small chores and
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 get disadvantaged.
Submitted by kanwaljit1310 on

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task response
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly and effectively address the task by presenting a clear opinion and summarizing the main points of the essay. Use a wider variety of linking words and cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Overall, the essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas and examples that are relevant to the task. Make sure to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay to improve the overall flow of ideas and arguments.
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