IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

One of the prime times for advertising on TV is when children get back from school. Some people that advertisements aimed at children should not be allowed. Do you agree or disagree?

#times #tv #children #school #people #advertisements
Advertisements play a key role in choice of consumers. Over the years, there have been dramatic increases in the price of products targeting children because advertisers are aware of children’s power in
nuclear family
Suggestion
a nuclear family
nuclear families
the nuclear family
. Some people believe that
adds
a public promotion of some product or service
ads
 should be banned because of their harmful effects. I agree
to
Suggestion
with
this
 view to
great extent
Suggestion
a great extent
 as promotional
adds
a public promotion of some product or service
ads
 may have
unfavorable
not encouraging or approving or pleasing
unfavourable
 effects on children.
First
 of all, children are swayed by advertisements that take them to
virtual world
Suggestion
the virtual world
virtual worlds
.
For instance
, toys of Star wars are so popular among teenagers.
Secondly
,
products
Suggestion
the products
 are delivered in
such
 ways that children put pressure on the their parents to buy them these. Fast food chain Macdonald’s follow
this
 strategy. It is undeniable that, children’s exposure to junk food marketing is on the high level. They are attracted by products that contain chemical agents,
more oil
Suggestion
the more oil
 that cause obesity or variety illnesses
on
Suggestion
in
 their body. Another reason for their banning is that adds may put the life of children at risk. From
psychological point
Suggestion
a psychological point
 of view, one who is under the 10 ages prone to impersonate what he or she sees
in
Suggestion
on
 Tv screen. They may try to act like celebrity endorsement that may cause some dispiriting experience. As a
results
Suggestion
result
,
government
Suggestion
the government
 should impact regulations on adds in order to shield minors from marketing. Having said that, not all are bad. They sometimes promote good habits
on
Suggestion
in
for
children
Accept comma addition
children, such
such
 as clean teeth every day, wash hands regularly.
On
Suggestion
To
 summarize, most of
adds
a public promotion of some product or service
ads
 may have detrimental effects on children.
However
, some of them promoting good habits must be shown on prime time.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • targeted advertising
  • consumerism
  • vulnerable demographic
  • cognitive development
  • marketing ethics
  • parental supervision
  • regulatory measures
  • consumer habits
  • materialism
  • ad literacy
  • purchasing power
  • manipulative tactics
What to do next:
Look at other essays: