IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries people encourage teenagers to find part time jobs. Some people agree and others don't. Review both sides and give your opinion.

#countries #people #teenagers #part #time #jobs #review
Some people in various states allow adolescents to search for part time work, whereas some people do not allow for any reasons. In my opinion, allowing the children would boost their confidence self-reliant and give them a chance to learn new skills. On the one hand, freedom is the key to innovation and confidence. The liberty to youngsters to find out the jobs may make them contribute to the economy as well as create room for the fruitful inventions. An example can be seen in many countries,w
h
Accept space
,
ere youth is the 70% working force, contributing to the progress of the nation in different sections of research, industry, sports and military services.
Moreover
,p
a
Accept space
,
rt time job gives an individual financial support and new techniques or skills in their initial period.
This
 leads to confidence,m
e
Accept space
,
ntal support and assists in
further
 career goals.
On the other hand
, excessive freedom is detrimental in most cases. The youngsters are mostly naive or vulnerable and inexperienced at an early age, which are likely influenced by illegal activities.
For example
, some criminal reports show that teenagers indulge in drug addiction or criminal activities, when they come from studies or jobs in other cities.
Furthermore
, sometimes these jobs are hazardous to health which seems to cause physical injury.
Consequently
, these injuries and criminal involvements may affect the whole life or upcoming career of the young generation. Overall, it seems advisable that part time work at a young age makes a person financially strong, decision maker and learner.
However
, it should not be fatal and unlinked with unethical activities.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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