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Band 7.5

Nowadays, one of the widely discussed problems are about traffic jams. What we should to minimise this problem? This essay will discuss about it.

#traffic #jams #minimise
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is transportation. Now
people
 are beginning to realize that which types of transports more helpful in our environment. Personally, i tend to think that
government
 should spend more money on
railways
, there are many reasons for
this
.
First,
it is well known that building
railways
, not roads, reduces air pollution. Currently, the increase in the number of cars around the world is a major global problem that causes environmental pollution. One of the main benefits of
this
 is that
railways
 bring many benefits to the
government
 to develop the economy and stimulate their revenue.
In addition
,
railways
 are considered to be the safest mode of transport as another main advantage. It is obvious that many
people
 die in car accidents around the world every day.
Therefore
, I believe that
railways
 are more convenient and safe.
Conversely
, despite the advantages of spending on
railways
, those who disagree have their own viewpoints.Proponents of
this
 argument believe that
people
 use cars rather than trains for shorter distances, so the
government
 first needs to widen roads for the convenience of
people
 and to avoid traffic jams. They
also
 believe that saving
people
 time on the road is important.
To conclude
, I strongly agree that the
government
 should allocate a tremendous amount of money towards railway development, as investing in
railways
 poses notable benefits
such
 as bolstering public transportation and declining levels of pollutants. I believe through spending on
railways
, the
government
 can establish a comprehensive public transportation system for its
people
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific areas where railways have improved transportation and reduced traffic congestion.
task achievement
Ensure all ideas are clearly and comprehensively presented, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain a logical flow. Consider using linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main argument effectively.
task achievement
Main points are well supported with logical reasoning, particularly concerning the benefits of railways.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging contrasting opinions, which enhances the argument's credibility.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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