Many people say that we now live in ‘consumer societies’ where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is an argument that
consumer
Use synonyms
societies
are essential. Use synonyms
While
others think that our lives will be developed by Linking Words
consumer
Use synonyms
culture
. Use synonyms
Consumer
Use synonyms
societies
are important because Use synonyms
people
always want to improve their living standards and plan to save more before they retire. Use synonyms
Consumer
Use synonyms
culture
brings Use synonyms
people
a lot of values about history and tourism. I believe that Use synonyms
people
should keep a balance between Use synonyms
consumer
Use synonyms
societies
and Use synonyms
consumer
Use synonyms
culture
to have a better life.
First of all, the living standards can be improved if Use synonyms
people
focus Use synonyms
to make
Change preposition
on making
money
and have more possessions. The more hours Use synonyms
people
work, the more Use synonyms
money
they earn. Use synonyms
As a result
of working hard, their living standards can be better, and Linking Words
people
can have Use synonyms
money
for their families and avoid financial burdens. Use synonyms
Moreover
, a lot of Linking Words
people
plan to save Use synonyms
money
as much as they can before they become Use synonyms
the
retirees. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, the Government of Canada created of lot of saving plans for their citizens, so Linking Words
people
will have better lives after they retire.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, the values of History can be maintained when Linking Words
people
consume Use synonyms
culture
. Use synonyms
For example
, on Canada Day, many families will come back to their homes to celebrate big parties where they can connect more with each other. Linking Words
Furthermore
, consuming the Linking Words
culture
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
also
helped develop tourism. Linking Words
For instance
, when tourists travel to ethnic areas, they tend to follow the life of the locals. It not only helps to attract more tourists but Linking Words
also
expends local Linking Words
culture
to the world.
In conclusion, consuming Use synonyms
societies
help Use synonyms
people
have a better living and are safer when they retire. Use synonyms
Consumer
Use synonyms
culture
helps maintain the history and develop tourism. If Use synonyms
people
balance both of them, they will live completely for the rest of their lives.Use synonyms
Submitted by hana44happy on
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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear distinction and elaboration on both views before presenting your own opinion to enhance task achievement.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments and support your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas from one paragraph to the next, enhancing coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to refine your introduction by clearly stating both views and concluding with your thesis statement for a stronger start.
Introduction
Introduction effectively sets the stage for discussing the topic, although could be refined for clarity.
Supported Main Points
Good attempt at providing examples to support points, such as saving plans in Canada and Canada Day celebrations.
Logical Structure
Logical structure with distinct paragraphs for different points, aiding in overall coherence.