Many people say that we now live in ‘consumer societies’ where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that consumer culture has played a vital role in improving our lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is an argument that
consumer
societies
are essential. While
others think that our lives will be developed by consumer
culture
. Consumer
societies
are important because people
always want to improve their living standards and plan to save more before they retire. Consumer
culture
brings people
a lot of values about history and tourism. I believe that people
should keep a balance between consumer
societies
and consumer
culture
to have a better life.
First of all, the living standards can be improved if people
focus to make
Change preposition
on making
money
and have more possessions. The more hours people
work, the more money
they earn. As a result
of working hard, their living standards can be better, and people
can have money
for their families and avoid financial burdens. Moreover
, a lot of people
plan to save money
as much as they can before they become the
retirees. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, the Government of Canada created of lot of saving plans for their citizens, so people
will have better lives after they retire.
Secondly
, the values of History can be maintained when people
consume culture
. For example
, on Canada Day, many families will come back to their homes to celebrate big parties where they can connect more with each other. Furthermore
, consuming the culture
is
Verb problem
has
also
helped develop tourism. For instance
, when tourists travel to ethnic areas, they tend to follow the life of the locals. It not only helps to attract more tourists but also
expends local culture
to the world.
In conclusion, consuming societies
help people
have a better living and are safer when they retire. Consumer
culture
helps maintain the history and develop tourism. If people
balance both of them, they will live completely for the rest of their lives.Submitted by hana44happy on
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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear distinction and elaboration on both views before presenting your own opinion to enhance task achievement.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments and support your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas from one paragraph to the next, enhancing coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to refine your introduction by clearly stating both views and concluding with your thesis statement for a stronger start.
Introduction
Introduction effectively sets the stage for discussing the topic, although could be refined for clarity.
Supported Main Points
Good attempt at providing examples to support points, such as saving plans in Canada and Canada Day celebrations.
Logical Structure
Logical structure with distinct paragraphs for different points, aiding in overall coherence.