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Topic 2: These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#topic #families #move #countries #work #people #children #benefit #life
Nowadays, more and more children move from their home country to another
due to
 their parents or caretakers changing workplaces.
While
 many believe that the decision to migrate could be beneficial for the
kids
, others disagree and think that
this
 kind of huge shift might lead to a harder living situation for them. From my perspective,
while
 considering both views, I see that moving countries
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age may be causing more good than harm. Environmental transformation could have a number of benefits to youngsters.
Firstly
, they will meet new people in their destination
while
 still having connections to their previous friends from their hometown. Thanks to
this
, these
kids
 will
then
 have more connections--a global one in fact.
Secondly
, being in a whole new place means the young will be introduced to another culture and habits.
For instance
, they can learn more than one language, celebrate people with different upbringings, and tolerate differences.
Therefore
, these
kids
 will have much richer cultural knowledge and better adaptation skills.
Nevertheless
, immigration for young children might have several downsides. As a matter of fact,
such
 a big transformation could definitely give them a sense of confusion. It is not a surprise if some of them are facing serious problems
such
 as identity crises throughout their childhood. Even
further
, it is possible for them to be isolated by their peers, whether it is in their school or neighbourhood. In fact, a recent study found that newcomers in a group of
kids
 have a significantly higher risk of getting bullied by
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 circle of associates. Yet of course,
this
 is not always going to be the case for everyone.
To conclude
, if parents are giving serious consideration to the psychological well-being of their
kids
, moving to other countries could eventually bring positive impact to them including global connection and diverse cultural understanding.
Submitted by lidyaprmata on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the topic well, try to provide a more balanced discussion. Giving equal weight to both views will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on elaborating your main points with more specific examples and evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow of your essay. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, connecting ideas in a clear manner.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to restate your opinion clearly in the conclusion to reinforce your stance.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines both points of view, setting up the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have followed a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your language and vocabulary usage are strong, enhancing the readability of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Globalization
  • Opportunities
  • Diversity
  • Assimilation
  • Adaptability
  • Language acquisition
  • Education
  • Career prospects
  • Social connections
  • Isolation
  • Cultural identity
  • Support systems
  • Parental guidance
  • Ambiguous
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