Do the advantages of this outweigh this disadvantages

It is true that in recent
years most
Accept comma addition
years, most
famous players advertise
sport
products and other things. There are several advantages in
this
trend than disadvantages. In
this
essay I will explain
further
and give my opinion. On the one hand, nowadays it has become quite widespread to see famous sportsmen are at advertisements.
Firstly they
Accept comma addition
Firstly, they
are earn
Suggestion
are earning
are earned
have earned
a lot of money than their career at
advertise
Suggestion
advertises
sport
products
for
instance that
Accept comma addition
instance, that
players took their advertise on their own social media
such
as
instagram
and
facebook
Suggestion
Facebook
because it help to increase sales in
this
products
Suggestion
product
.
Furthermore some
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, some
companies in order that famous actors and
sport
players
rathen
on the contrary
rather
than local people. While, many times
famoust
widely known and esteemed
famous
players only advertise
sport
products.
Secondly all
Accept comma addition
Secondly, all
business products help advertise with famous peoples and players. Obviously that if people in show
biusinees
a commercial or industrial enterprise and the people who constitute it
business
advertise different products
this
widespread in the world in a few seconds.
On the other hand
famous persons advertise their own products and they
are did not care
Suggestion
do not care
don't care
about other company products.
Also
famous players advertise products
has
Suggestion
have
several
disadventages
the quality of having an inferior or less favorable position
disadvantages
. In some countries only actors advertise products because famous
platers
a person who participates in or is skilled at some game
players
polluters
pay high tax if they advertise different products.
In addition
to
this
some companies
also
advertise products with famous players but they did not care about quality
,
Accept space
,
cost and other features for
this
reason most of
people
Suggestion
the people
only attention to famous players.
Finally there
Accept comma addition
Finally, there
are have
Suggestion
are having
have had
this
kind of advantages at
advertise
Suggestion
the advertise
by
Suggestion
of
famous in show business or players. In conclusion,
although
advertise
Suggestion
advertised
products by
famouse
widely known and esteemed
famous
peoples more comprehensive in different ways and useful for increase product sales. Personally, while I believe that products advertise on social media by show business persons.
Submitted by kochimovnazirjon on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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