IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often thought that the
government
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 should support social
services
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 financially
instead
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 of investing money in
space
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programmes
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.
Although
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 I agree that the
government
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 should pay more attention to the comfort and well-being of the citizens, I think that funding of the
space
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programmes
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 plays a crucial role
for
Change preposition
in
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 society. On the one hand, the
government
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 definitely has to fund a big part of the budget on vital public
services
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. Those
services
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 provide safety, comfort, and better living conditions for citizens.
Thus
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, the acceptance of public
services
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 determines people’s living quality
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
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, the public
services
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 have to be well funded,
while
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space
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programmes
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 do not solve problems of poverty and medicine.
For instance
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, there are a lot of countries that don’t have strong
space
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programmes
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, but the living quality of people is good, because of good public schools, hospitals, etc. That’s why the
government
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 should adequately finance public
services
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 in the first place.
On the other hand
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, the development of
space
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 technologies
also
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 has a huge impact on a country's well-being. Since nowadays is a prime time for technologies and science, when humanity operates a bunch of knowledge and resources, it is the right time to support its
further
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 development, especially in terms of developing
space
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programmes
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.
Moreover
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, the extension of
space
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 programs makes
space
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 travel and general exploration of
space
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 more possible in the future, which leads to new findings that might help society.
For example
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, some scientists consider the possibility of living on other planets, which solves the problem of overpopulation.
Thus
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, the
space
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programmes
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 are
also
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 important to society, and the
government
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 should pay attention to them as well.
To conclude
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, though I agree that the
government
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 should invest a large part of the budget in social
programmes
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however
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 the
space
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programmes
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 are
also
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 important and shouldn’t be forgotten.

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Task response
Be clear about your view in the first part and keep the same main idea in the whole essay.
Task response
Add two strong ideas and finish with a clear line that shows your final view.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show how ideas go from one to the next, like 'also', 'but', and 'for example'.
Coherence and cohesion
Make short lines. Break long sentences so the text is easy to read.
Coherence and cohesion
Give a real example to back up each point and make sure the example is easy to see.
Grammatical range
Check grammar and word use. For example, say 'quality of life' instead of 'living quality'.
Task response
The essay shows both sides and ends with a note that both matter.
Coherence
Clear use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show different views.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • governments
  • money
  • public services
  • schools
  • hospitals
  • space programmes
  • vital
  • agree
  • disagree
  • future generations
  • education
  • skilled workforce
  • investing
  • healthcare
  • disease
  • society
  • luxury
  • basic needs
  • scientific knowledge
  • immediate needs
  • prioritizing
  • quality of life
  • well-being
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