Success is often measured in terms of how much somebody has earned. Do you think wealth is a good measure of success? How else could we measure whether somebody is successful or not?
It is a popular belief that
money
equals success. To begin
with, I understand that money
plays an important role in everyone's lives but I disagree with this
point of view. I believe there are other factors that are even more significant than money
when measuring one's success.
Firstly
, humans are social animals and are meant to coexist. Compassion and respect are two things that are high on my ranking. People
should treat others equally and not show any trace of discrimination based on gender, nationality or skin colour. Moreover
, people
should be humble and not walk over other people
just because they are financially well off or have power vested in them.
Secondly
, during their lifetime people
should not make other people
's lives a struggle intentionally. Rather they should only try to make others' lives better. Small acts of charity and kindness can go a long way. People
should learn to find the joy in the simple things instead
of going behind monetary gains.
For instance
, a rich person
once said that they were unhappy despite having a ton of money
. When that person
was asked if he thought himself successful, he said no and reasoned saying that he didn't like his work and found no happiness in it. On the other hand
, a poor person
was happy despite working odd hours to make ends meet. When he was asked the same question as the rich person
, he said yes. This
was because he was doing something that he loved.
In my opinion, the contentment of the soul is the main component to measure the success of a person
. Nevertheless
, financial power isn't permanent and can be completely erased or devalued in one moment and such
cases have been seen all throughout history.Submitted by insighttribez on
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coherence cohesion
You should aim to provide a more clear argumentative structure. Your introduction is vague and does not clearly outline the forthcoming discussion or argument. Developing a more concise thesis statement would help to give your essay direction and purpose.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak; the points you make need to be more explicitly linked with clear, coherent transitions that demonstrate the relationships between ideas. Also, pay attention to paragraphing, ensuring each paragraph has one clear main idea or point.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is present but does not effectively summarize the main points or restate your position, making the essay seem unfinished. Work on crafting a conclusion that serves as a capstone to your argument, leaving the reader with a clear sense of your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt, but your response could be more complete. Provide a balanced discussion by addressing both sides of the argument equally and with clear, comprehensive analysis.
task achievement
Strive to express your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Ensure each paragraph expands on a single clear idea relevant to your overall argument, with explanations and analyses that support your points effectively.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to substantiate your arguments. The anecdote about the rich and poor person is a good start, but incorporating additional, relevant examples will strengthen your argument and offer clearer insights into your perspective on success.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.