Many parents encourage young people to leave home early when they become older,while others think they should stay at home with the family.discuss both views and give your opinions

#parents #people #home

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Nowadays young people are motivated to leave their family early when they reach to a certain

maturity whereas

Accept comma addition

maturity, whereas

others object

this

Linking Words

notion saying

Accept comma addition

notion, saying

that living with the own family is a better option.

Although

Linking Words

, separating from the family flourishes

independancy

freedom from control or influence of another or others

independence

and

Personel

concerning or affecting a particular person or his or her private life and personality

personal

freedom, my personal perspective is that

young

Suggestion

younger

individuals are benefited by granting the proper guidance to build up their lives when they stay with parents.

To begin

Linking Words

with, people become more independent when they commence an own

life

Use synonyms

separately

Suggestion

separate

. In fact, they have their personal freedom to take

life

Use synonyms

decisions and learn to survive alone through confronting challenges by themselves. For an example,

recent survey

Suggestion

a recent survey

done in the UK has highlighted that young individuals who live independently have better

life

Use synonyms

skills and strength to face challenges than

ones

Suggestion

the ones

who hinge on their families.

However

Linking Words

, I disagree with

this

Linking Words

because it is hard to develop

life

Use synonyms

without any assistance from the family.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, adolescents grant proper guidance and optimum protection in building up their

life

Use synonyms

when they stay with the family.

Moreover

Linking Words

, people in youth are not only lacking adequate experience and

maturity but

Accept comma addition

maturity, but

also

Linking Words

irresponsible in taking decisions and there is a likelihood to go wrong. For an instance, the majority of teens who lives separately from their parents in Sri Lanka are victims of drug and alcohol addiction.

Therefore

Linking Words

, leaving

homes

Suggestion

home

early eliminates the support and security which are provided by parents to youngsters. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

spending the

life

Use synonyms

away from the family encourages independence and personal freedom of youth, it removes the assistance and safety which are given by the family.

Hence

Linking Words

, young people should be allowed to stay with the parents until they reach an adequate maturity to become responsible for their

life

Use synonyms

Submitted by anushkiwijewardana on Tue Apr 21 2020

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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Many parents encourage young people to leave home early when they become older,while others think they should stay at home with the family.discuss both views and give your opinions

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