Despite greater access to school education, many adults today still cannot read or write? How does this affect them in life? What can the government do to help them?

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It is commonly observed that in spite of having ample

Change preposition

apply

show examples

educational institutions, a vast majority of young men and women

are lacking

Wrong verb form

lack

show examples

education

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

certainly hampers their growth as they are not eligible for the white-collar

jobs

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

problem can be solved if

government

Use synonyms

can make

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

primary

education

Use synonyms

compulsory for everyone.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

education

Use synonyms

is a basic right for human beings because it helps them to achieve their dreams and aspirations by securing

highly paid

Add a hyphen

highly-paid

show examples

jobs

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, in the modern world, the majority of

people

Use synonyms

living in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

rural

areas

Use synonyms

are unable to acquire

the

Correct article usage

show examples

basic

education

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due to

Linking Words

the absence of schools and universities.

As a result

Linking Words

, they have to pursue labour

jobs

Use synonyms

to afford the basic necessities

such

Linking Words

as food, clothing and shelter.

Additionally

Linking Words

, with the low-income

Use synonyms

jobs

Add a comma

jobs,

show examples

they will not be able to educate their children and will end up struggling below the poverty line.

For instance

Linking Words

according to

Linking Words

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

research conducted by the University of British Columbia, 80%

Use synonyms

people

Change preposition

of people

show examples

living in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

rural

areas

Use synonyms

are illiterate and are doing construction

jobs

Use synonyms

to run their

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

. There are a number of steps that can taken by the

government

Use synonyms

to educate every citizen of a country.

Firstly

Linking Words

Use synonyms

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should make

education

Use synonyms

compulsory for everyone, which means they have to open more schools and universities in the rural

areas

Use synonyms

. By doing so,

people

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living in rural

areas

Use synonyms

will not only be able to improve their living standards

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

can teach

education

Use synonyms

to their kids.

Secondly

Linking Words

government

Use synonyms

should collaborate with

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Non-

Government

Use synonyms

Organisations to educate

people

Use synonyms

according to

Linking Words

their work schedule. To exemplify, UNICEF, the Non-

Government

Use synonyms

Organisation has started a programme, in which they offer a night school for

people

Use synonyms

working during the day.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they offer an internship programme to hire their students.

To conclude

Linking Words

, regardless of considerable access to

education

Use synonyms

people

Use synonyms

in the remote

areas

Use synonyms

are still illiterate and working in

low paid

Add a hyphen

low-paid

show examples

jobs

Use synonyms

Thus

Linking Words

government

Use synonyms

actions

such

Linking Words

as opening schools in remote

areas

Use synonyms

and making

education

Use synonyms

compulsory for everyone can help us to make

people

Use synonyms

literate.

Tue Apr 21 2020

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coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay can be improved. Consider clearer transitions between your points, and ensure each paragraph flows naturally into the next.

task achievement

Try to provide more specific and varied examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments and show a deeper understanding of the topic.

task achievement

Some sentences are complex and could benefit from simplification for better clarity. Also, be mindful of small grammatical errors.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are strong, effectively setting the scene and summarizing the main points of your essay.

clear comprehensive ideas

Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, reflecting a good understanding of the topic and the issues involved.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

344 words

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Despite greater access to school education, many adults today still cannot read or write? How does this affect them in life? What can the government do to help them?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think thats it's a good idea to socialise with work colleages during evenings and weekend. Other people, think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

some say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To extent do you agree?

Some people believe that education and healthcare should be free of charge and funded by the government. Others think that it should be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?

Some people believe that construction of new public buildings such as museums, towns halls and sporting is more important than renovation of the existing ones, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.