young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has a negative effect on young people and society. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, shopping malls are considered major recreational spots by many, but people mostly visited them for necessity in the past.
The young
Correct article usage
Young
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people are increasingly spending their free
hour
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hours
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at the shopping mall rather than playing sports or music.
Furthermore
,
this
new trend has many negative impacts on
youngsters
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as a whole.
Firstly
,
this
essay agrees and believes that
this
is undoubtedly an inappropriate behaviour and misuse of leisure
moment
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moments
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because it encourages them
in
Change preposition
to
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excessive buying behaviour and can lead to isolation and may develop mental illness. One of the significant
harm
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harms
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of
this
habit is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
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provokes
youngsters
to buy products which they rarely need. Many shops in malls
are
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apply
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usually
displaying
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display
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eye-catching pictures and mannequins to attract consumers, which
persuade
Correct subject-verb agreement
persuades
show examples
the youngster to make unnecessary purchases.
For example
, recent research by experts found that around 70% of young boys and girls spent their weekends in the clothing store. They found out,
approximately
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that approximately
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50% of them end up purchasing a new fashion trend like tops, dresses and bottoms and
paid
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paying
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by their credit cards. Another disadvantage is,
youngsters
Correct word choice
that youngsters
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can quickly become withdrawn and isolated. When they start spending not only weekends
,
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apply
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but
weekdays
Rephrase
also weekdays
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free hour in the shopping centre;
as a result
,
youngsters
become less socialized, which negatively
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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their physical and mental health.
For instance
, a study
was
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apply
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conducted by the Indonesia University of Education revealed that adolescent with the habit of shopping spree has over 40% of incidence to develop depression later in life.
To conclude
, I agree that an increasing trend of spending leisure time in the shopping mall by
younger
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the younger
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generation not only excites them to waste their money
,
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apply
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but
also
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is also
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responsible for making them isolated and sick in the future.
Submitted by callistaclara97 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Summary
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail outlets
  • consumerism
  • advertising
  • local businesses
  • neighborhood communities
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • socialize
  • amenities
  • economic growth
  • cultural homogenization
  • ecological footprint
  • entertainment
  • trends
  • brand loyalty
  • spending habits
  • mall culture
  • local shops
  • health implications
  • job opportunities
  • tourism
  • consumer debt
  • environmental impact
  • energy consumption
  • waste generation
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