young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has a negative effect on young people and society. To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays, shopping malls are considered major recreational spots by many, but people mostly visited them for necessity in the past.

The young

Correct article usage

Young

show examples

people are increasingly spending their free

hour

Fix the agreement mistake

hours

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at the shopping mall rather than playing sports or music.

Furthermore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

new trend has many negative impacts on

youngsters

Use synonyms

and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society as a whole.

Firstly

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay agrees and believes that

this

Linking Words

is undoubtedly an inappropriate behaviour and misuse of leisure

moment

Fix the agreement mistake

moments

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because it encourages them

Change preposition

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excessive buying behaviour and can lead to isolation and may develop mental illness. One of the significant

harm

Fix the agreement mistake

harms

show examples

this

Linking Words

habit is,

Correct word choice

that it

show examples

provokes

youngsters

Use synonyms

to buy products which they rarely need. Many shops in malls

are

Verb problem

apply

show examples

usually

displaying

Wrong verb form

display

show examples

eye-catching pictures and mannequins to attract consumers, which

persuade

Correct subject-verb agreement

persuades

show examples

the youngster to make unnecessary purchases.

For example

Linking Words

, recent research by experts found that around 70% of young boys and girls spent their weekends in the clothing store. They found out,

approximately

Correct word choice

that approximately

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50% of them end up purchasing a new fashion trend like tops, dresses and bottoms and

paid

Wrong verb form

paying

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by their credit cards. Another disadvantage is,

Use synonyms

youngsters

Correct word choice

that youngsters

show examples

can quickly become withdrawn and isolated. When they start spending not only weekends

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

weekdays

Rephrase

also weekdays

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free hour in the shopping centre;

as a result

Linking Words

youngsters

Use synonyms

become less socialized, which negatively

impact

Correct subject-verb agreement

impacts

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their physical and mental health.

For instance

Linking Words

, a study

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

conducted by the Indonesia University of Education revealed that adolescent with the habit of shopping spree has over 40% of incidence to develop depression later in life.

To conclude

Linking Words

, I agree that an increasing trend of spending leisure time in the shopping mall by

younger

Correct article usage

the younger

show examples

generation not only excites them to waste their money

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

Linking Words

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

responsible for making them isolated and sick in the future.

Submitted by callistaclara97 on Wed Apr 22 2020

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coherence cohesion

The essay's structure is mostly clear and logical, but the introduction and conclusion could be more developed.

task achievement

The essay effectively responds to the task, presenting clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant specific examples. However, the response could be more fully developed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

retail outlets
consumerism
advertising
local businesses
neighborhood communities
sedentary lifestyle
obesity
socialize
amenities
economic growth
cultural homogenization
ecological footprint
entertainment
trends
brand loyalty
spending habits
mall culture
local shops
health implications
job opportunities
tourism
consumer debt
environmental impact
energy consumption
waste generation

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young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has a negative effect on young people and society. To what extent do you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

Many people believe that countries should produce food for the whole population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People, who go to live in other countries should follow the customs and tradition of the new country, to what extent to do you agree or disagree?

People believe that some individuals are born with leadership skills, while others think that leadership skills can be made. Discuss both views.

With advancing technology, the development of automated vehicles is becoming reality. In your opinion, what are the advantages and disadvantages of self-driving vehicles?