IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that foreign visitors should be charged more than locals when they visit cultural and tourist attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #visitors #locals #visit #tourist #attractions #country
There is an argument that cultural attractions should charge a low price for citizens
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in the same country and increase it for the ones
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 come from outside.
However
, I partially agree with
this
 statement for the following reasons. On the one hand,
charge
Wrong verb form
charging
show examples
 more tourists is not an intelligent decision, since these attractions are mostly made to attract
this
 type of people,
consequently
 putting I higher price for
foreign
Replace the word
foreigners
show examples
 to visit it may have a huge impact on
this
 place’s economy. To show that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Australia has
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 impact on its economy since they start charging higher prices for foreign tourists. Not only
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 could be prejudiced, but
also
 the history of that place as the number of tourists
decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
show examples
,
therefore
 a part of the country’s history could be lost.
On the other hand
,
this
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
should be a citizen’s right,
due to
 the fact that these attractions normally are what
represents
Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
show examples
 the culture of that country and its citizens,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 everyone that lives there could be passionate and
patriot
Replace the word
patriotic
show examples
 about its country.
For instance
, when someone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the
change
Correct your spelling
chance
show examples
 to know better their country’s culture, they have more chances
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 take care
and
Change preposition
of and
show examples
 preserve it.
Additionally
, it could be an effort to maintain the customs and traditions, because with
this
 incentive people are prone to
addict
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
 to it,
as a result
, locals could know better their countries. In conclusion, I do believe that
although
 charging different prices has its advantages it could
also
 have
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 downsides. Ideally a fair price should the charged in
this
 way both sides
are benefitted
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
.
Submitted by eduardogzanela on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear position on the issue. The essay should clearly state the extent to which the writer agrees with the given view.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant arguments but does not fully develop the extent to which the writer agrees with the given view. The position should be clearly expressed and supported throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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