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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2000 to travel to and from school using different types mode of transport. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2000 to travel to and from school using different types mode of transport. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart gives information about the frequency of commuting made by children at the age of 5 to 12 based on various transportation means in 1990 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, walking was the most popular mode of transport
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children from and to school in 1990. The
use
Use synonyms
 of passenger
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 surged in 2000, generally at the expense of reducing the number of
Add an article
the journey
a journey
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journey
Fix the agreement mistake
journeys
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 by walking and the
use
Use synonyms
 of
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
 and public transportation. In 1990, walking was the most selected method for commute,
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 over 12
million
Use synonyms
 journeys annually. The utilization of
Correct article usage
the bus
show examples
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
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 came
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
second
Linking Words
 at approximately seven
million
Use synonyms
 trips. The
use
Use synonyms
 of private
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 came at the least, with around 4
million
Use synonyms
ride
Fix the agreement mistake
rides
show examples
 annually.
In contrast
Linking Words
, trips made using passenger
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 rose significantly in the year 2000, nearly increased
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
threefold to approximately 11.5
million
Use synonyms
 trips;
whereas
Linking Words
 the
use
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of other
show examples
other mode
Change the wording
another mode
other modes
show examples
 of transport decreased substantially, with the biggest fall
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
found in walking.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words use, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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