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Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
There is an argument that nowadays, the lifespan of humans lasts longer if being compared to the past,
therefore
 the
retirement
age
 should be higher than it used to be. Personally, I totally agree with
this
 statement because of the rationale following.
First
 of all, the worth mentioning here is that the change in the old regulation will be a benefit to people who have difficulties. To be more specific, the pension in some countries, mainly in developing ones, is not enough for them to get by when they retire, especially those who have not paid off their mortgages or they are still supporting their children.
Hence
, working is the only way to handle the problem and have a better life. Take Viet Nam as an example, for the manual labour, the pension is just about 1 million Vietnam dong, which can only be used for the basic demands
such
 as food and drink, but not assist them to pay any debts if they have.
Moreover
, the increase in the
retirement
age
 is an effective method since
this
 change is able to limit crime rates. If people retire too early and the money subsidized by governments is not enough for their life, crimes will definitely appear. To illustrate, currently, some elders are being used for taking money from the public by criminals. The bad guys cause them to disguise themselves into the homeless and ask for cash at public places
such
 as the park, the gas station and the bus stop. At the end of the day, the elderly will come back to the lair to give money to the thugs.
Consequently
, old people, which is sometimes considered the wisest members of the community, are being abused. So, the
retirement
age
 should be raised in order for them to contribute their intelligence and expertise to society while they are still working.
As a result
, criminal cases would decline and the fabric of society would be stabilized. In conclusion, to reduce the risk of crimes and create a better life for individuals, policymakers should raise the
age
 of
retirement
 due to the longer lifespan of them.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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